walked past your house today and saw Papa standing by himself by the window
it's been almost 4months since you passed away then why is it so that everytime i look at your picture, the tears wont cease falling
an auntie called the other day and asked to speak to you i told her you are not at home you've gone out.. to somewhere very far away she asked if you will come home soon i hung up, whispering.. "i dont think so"
it's 4.30am on a wednesday morning one hour short of that day of your passing i miss you so much that i cry late at night i tried to supress, my emotions i fight
my dearest mother, can you hear me now? i kept telling myself, you are only out of town that someday in heaven, we will meet again so now i just have to learn to deal with the pain
my dearest mother, my birthday is drawing near this is my first year, spending without you here the shoes that you bought for me, is now tattered and torn memories i have of you, become scattered and gone
and now i'll end my writing cause my eyes are all red and puffy but Mother, when night becomes morning i promise you i'll look happy
好想你 love you
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 03:49|
__________
Thursday, October 29, 2009
-misses you-
you know like what they say. your words will either make or break you and very often relationship/friendship is like a vase that breaks easily with just a wrong word said or a "at the moment, i feel like throwing this friendship down the roof" kinda thing
and though we try so hard to mend it back there still lies some cracks that may seem okay to all but if you were to look closely, you know it will never be the same again
so my take is ? God, guard my heart and mouth. let every word not break, but edify/encourage/inspire.
i realised i am fiercely protective over my life a lot of times i choose to keep silent rather than voice it out and it causes misunderstandings
i wonder when will the new vase come? today? tomorrow? never?
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 00:39|
__________
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
--
i find myself reading and re-reading my archives yet again. time flies uh ?.. it's been two months.
went for steamboat at aunt's house to satisfy cousin's craving for luncheon meat. sat at the seat where aunt used to sit and accompany me while i eat
okay, seriously. i need to stop thinkin about all these. she is in a better place now.
had our first CG mid autumn festival and it was great. big thanks and applause to Nat, Darren, Jo and Nik for taking games ! it was fun yet weirdly gross (you got to wait for nat to upload the peektures before understanding!)
thanking God for every single thing. wouldnt have done it if not for Him
thank God for the members i have; they are the best one can ask for. i want to lay down my life for them thank God for the chance of being a CGL thank God for every CG where i get to touch people's lives thank God for understanding friends who know what i am going through thank God for Iris who stood by me no matter what, for rebuking when im wrong, for encouraging when im down thank God for Darren who plays for me without fail every week thank God for Mommy who cooks the cabbage, nuggets and potato soup, lettuce, chicken wings and corn soup on alternate days without fail (mommy, if you are reading, i love your cooking but can we change the order already? heeee) thank God for colleagues who turn that frown upside down thank God for SS, bird, seet and cil who never fail to put a smile on my face, for fighting this fight together with me !
thank God for good memories of you. i still write to you every other day. Eugene chanced upon the folder during stock take the other day. folder "notes to mother" in it, i tell you stuff like i cut my hair. i think you will call me qiao po if you can see me. and i've graduated from SOT, i wished i could show you my graduation picture. i think you will be able to spot me right away cause i was standing in front. and other stuff like how Papa's friends asked him to go China with them, but he rejected them cause he says those were the places you went with him some 4 years back.
i have so many things to tell you, so i guess i will continue writing to you. love you, mean it.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 21:45|
__________
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
--
i still can't get over it
it's been 16days
i saw someone who looks like you today while walking home alone from central. i wish to hear your voice again
Papa called today said he cant sleep sometimes he wish that you are back, sleeping next to him
just the other day, Papa used your phone to call me my heart skipped a beat when i saw your face flashing on my phone i wished it was you.
i miss you... so much, it hurts.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 01:49|
__________
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
-to you-
Dearest Mother,
it's been 6 days since you are gone and i miss you so. not one day went by without me crying myself to sleep, i tried to stop the tears but they just kept falling.
it finally dawned upon me that when i am lost somewhere in toa payoh, i cant call you and ask what bus to take back home anymore when i forget to bring my keys out, i cant go over to your place to rest anymore the name "Mother" will never appear to be calling me on my handphone asking me if i want some curry/homecooked soup anymore when i dial home, i won't hear the usual "hello" anymore, the one that's so unique i know it's you right away no one to call me "mina or qiao po" anymore
that steamboat dinner i was supposed to eat with all of you that night? that hot fudge ice cream you were craving for?
the last time i brought you to SGH for your check up the last time you were admitted into hospital, and before i left, you pointed at me and turned to your neighbour telling her,"that's my god daughter" the last night i kept vigil by your bed, stroking your head every 15mins, asking you to go to sleep the last time i hold your hands, telling you that you can go in peace, i am old enough to take care of myself the last time i walked into the hospital ward and your eyes lited up and even though you cant speak, i know you were glad
im sorry i wasnt there with you when you left i was an hour late and
as i hold on to your hands, i feel you leave me slowly your forehead grew cold to touch and no matter how many times i screamed "mother", you just didnt wake up.
my last words to you were "mother, wo ming tian hui lai kan ni"
tomorrow never happen.
it's been 6 days since you are gone and i miss you so. not one day went by without me crying myself to sleep, i tried to stop the tears even as im typing now but they just kept falling.
i soaked my pillow at night, i woke up to puffy eyes i cry in the shower, i cry when i see our picture i cry because i am not strong
i miss you, mother even though i know you are in a better place now. no cancer, no difficulties breathing. i'll see you again one day.
i love you, mother.
with love, me
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 01:16|
__________
Monday, August 03, 2009
--
what will it take to see you back in health again?
what must i do to make you feel better?
what can i say to make the pain go away ?
i cry only when im in the shower, or late at night when everyone else is asleep because i need to be strong
为什么眼泪却不够坚強 一直流下
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 01:29|
__________
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
--
you are the peace that guards my heart my help in times of needs
you are the hope that leads me on and brings me to my knees
for there i find You waiting and there i find release so with all my heart i'll worship and unto You i sing
for You alone deserve all glory for You alone deserve all praise Father we worship and adore You Father we long to see Your face
i just came back from the hospital and there she is; lying on the bed breathing with the help of the oxygen mask pain grips her like how fear grips my heart
i remembered popo asking for her favourite food just before she passed on mother asked for tuna today i watched her intently as she takes each bite fighting to hold back the tears which were threatening to fall even as i wiped her mouth for her
i sat down next to her massaging her hand which had grown enormously large due to water retention wondering how long more i can do this for her
i need courage to believe steel of the soul a backbone christian
by Your stripes, she will be healed.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 23:09|
__________
Saturday, May 09, 2009
--
okay. i know it's been eons since i last blogged
tuition, school, work, church and all are occupying the bulk of my time. haven even got the chance to pop by the library for a long long while
last i heard, jodi picoult got a new book
went into Harris the other day at GWC during my lunch break at work smiled at the person who went through a lot to get me the latest Singapore issue of Harper Bazaar checked out the newest arrivals section and SCREAMSSSSSSSSSSS (okay, not literally) jodi has got a new book ! picked it up, checked the price and put it back again
ahhhhhh.. what agony. but it's okay ive got tons of assignments waiting for me to complete bible reading, faith, the incredibly thick spirit filled believers not to forget the many many activities we're planning plus XXX
sometimes i feel like running, especially when it gets tough and a little draining then more often that not, in will come a text message. a random thought. a smiley to bring me back on track again
SOT this week is AWESOME !!!!!! i cant really find the right words to express how im feeling but everything's so real like woah..
no peektures cause im too lazy/busy to upload them catch them @ facebook or ... i don't know, i can lend you my phone or sth. ((:
alright, ciao !!
YE SHU AI NI.. HEN DUO HEN DUO !! ((:
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 01:14|
__________
Monday, February 23, 2009
-TLC-
i've been working a lot a lot for these few days replacing the different ones worked with cal dear on sat and it was so fun
someone was giving out heart shaped balloons at heeren and i got my hands on one ! heee..
went over to visit mother just now took pictures with her with my new phone (YES, i bought a new phone ((: cause mine kept shutting itself down every half an hour) i must say.. the camera's not very fantastic
i wrote that she will get well soon pray i can tick that item off my prayer book very soon!
starting school in a month's time excited yet nervous cant wait to go there to catch something back and when school starts i pray i can tick another item off my prayer book
APRIL !!!!! ((:
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 23:21|
__________
Saturday, February 07, 2009
-brave soldier-
hey YOU..
don't for one second feel ashamed about these scars on your face.. you are just wearing outside what the rest of us wear on the inside
you are beautiful.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 01:26|
__________
Sunday, February 01, 2009
--
and time sure flew by really fast in no time, it's feb alr and really, im pretty sure if i blink a couple of times more my 21st birthday will be here too ! (crosses fingers) so im waiting for my latest episode of GG to load and i decided to pop by here to update a little
anyhow, lucas had his 21st birthday over at Timbre@Old School on a sidenote, i honestly think sara of 53A is awesome !! some peektures of that night !
did i mention that the theme or rather, dress code for the night is MONOCHROME ?! like it's the 2nd day of CNY and we have to wear white/black/grey for visitations but these are my favourite colours so really, i dont mind it one bit however, i did bring along an extra top whereever i go just in case the choice of colours don't sit really well with my aunts and all
no steamboats for me during this CNY so i insisted my mom to do it on thursday night reunion dinner was at Siam Kitchen no peektures of that except for a pic of mine and michelle's legs wrestling under the table while everyone's eating which i cant seem to find at the moment
harvest is NOT fantastic this year a total of 21 ringgit from malacca how pathetic, i know but all's good from singapore
had steamboat today with the subzone over at Tian Tian Huo Guo peektures will be up once Stephen uploaded them
alright. off to watch GG !! xoxo
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 22:31|
__________
Friday, January 23, 2009
-crash and burn-
when you feel all alone and the world has turned its back on you give Me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you its hard to find relief and people can be so cold when darkness is upon your door and you feel like you cant take anymore
let Me be the one you call if you jump I'll break your fall lift you up and fly away with you into the night if you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart if you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone
when you feel all alone and a loyal friend is hard to find you're caught in a one way street with the monsters in your head when hopes and dreams are far away and you feel like you cant face the day
let Me be the one you call if you jump I'll break your fall lift you up and fly away with you into the night if you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart if you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone
and there has always been heartache and pain and when it's over you'll breathe again you'll breath again
i can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me ((:
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 03:24|
__________
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
-step out.-
teehee it's 6 in the morning and really, i dont know what am i doing up so late
but anyway, had a great meeting and the fellowship with steph and bear was awesome too laughing at bear while she dances to the elevate song (p.s welcome to the big family!) ((:
ready to crash any moment but i just cant sleep with peace if i dont send the minutes to them
so i just sent it and im all ready to hit the sack !
i must say im glad bug is coming back tomorrow she's always away for camps and all i don't see her around at home anymore it's been awhile since you last cooked for me so come back soon k? jie jie misses you a lot a lot !!!!!! ((:
AMBER !! arent you glad im posting about anything and everything under the sun just to get rid of that post? teehee
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 05:42|
__________
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
--
okay, so i promised amber i will post many many pictures in order to distract people from the unglam picture of her in the previous post
then i realised.. i dont have that many pictures to post !
anyhow, been checking up on all the different blogs submitted for boss
and i honestly thought it's gonna be a real mundane and boring thing to do but really.. i found much joy and i learnt a lot of things through it okay, not a lot. but i did learnt new things!
Yesterday was a really good day ! My fav girl is back and i met her while queueing up
saw _____ too teehee !
Word was awesome as always, a revelation to me
prayer meeting at Jerb's place after that was really refreshing presence of God was so strong and it pretty much left us in tears and on our knees by the end of it
"search my heart" had been my msn nick for a pretty long time and i've been meaning to change it to something else for awhile but i just couldn't find any other word that's more appropriate than that at least not now
search my heart in everything i do be in for CG, at work or just purely talking to people
what if there's no ministry, no friends, no career, no recognition will you still love Me ?
i do.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 00:09|
__________
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
--
it was fun fun and more fun for the month of jan ! had our Ed Hardy/Skin Party over at Manchester United Cafe over at Clarke Quay a crazy time of peektures taking and exchanging of christmas presents
next up was the countdown over at Aranda
i really think this is super funny ! teehee
then EH Party@Zirca
my favourite girl in the world sandy and goliath !!
fun aside, we had our first LM for 2009 and it was awesome a new impartation and word for 09 new wine; new wine skin behold i cant wait for our first cell meeting ! so many new ideas, so many new things to do it will definitely be a year of breakthroughs ((:
lastly, my very dear manager, Lillian Cher was featured in Asiaone
it's amazing how she can handle so many things and her house.. goodness. it's BEAUTIFUL, i tell you stands out from among the rest what a honour to have such a creative, talented yet mighty woman of God as my manager
i got a book for the first year then i got nothing and yet again nothing this year
it just goes to show the importance of me
i don't like it when it falls on a sunday
i don't like it more when you know yet never do anything about it
but it's okay.
now i know.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 02:21|
__________
Saturday, January 03, 2009
-a new year; a new start-
i cant believe it's 2009 already ! was just filling up the alteration slip for a customer today when i wrote 2008 pause, think, laughed at myself, cancel and wrote 2009 instead
had our leaders retreat over at Aranda Country Club over the new year it was awesome counting down and basically just hanging out with them it was definitely nerve wrecking as we have to come up with not 1, not 2 but 4 games within a short span of time but all's good glad that everyone enjoyed it pictures will be up soon, i promise
it was especially tear jerking for me during the first night, the appreciation night whereby we sang the friendship song and im really very glad that i stayed. despite all the things that i went through, i held on and refused to let go and as i sat there with my left arm across kai lin and right arm draped over the shoulders of del i found love and comfort and i cant say enough how much i adore this life im living now though not perfect, sometimes even causing me to wake up to wet pillows and swollen eyes but fulfilling. no. strike that. very fulfilling seeing the lives of many being touched the love of God enveloping them
was just browsing through my archives and i found this something i wrote in 2006 when i first left children church ministry and went over to W351
the intensifying feeling of fear my heart's pounding so fast, can You hear? i made a decision to step out in faith keeping in mind there are hundreds to save
im all alone in this maze of life no one can phantom what's behind those eyes till His hands reached out, and touched the heart that's broken i wanted to bring love, like a walking slogan
i tried my best, but still i fall with a contrite spirit, His name i call "dont leave me, Father", dont ever let me go i cried out in pain, in weaknesses and cold
and as i pray, i saw a vision of me serving Him, with love and passion how i responded to His call sacrificed and gave Him my all
there is He standing am i dreaming or what ? and the angels are cheering though i dragged His name through mud
i love You, Father more than anything in this world I love you, My daughter of this I am very sure
with this, i leave you with a acronym that kept me there HCILJLYTM ?
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 23:48|
__________
Friday, December 12, 2008
--
2 months
8 weeks
61 days
what will i do without you around?
when the tears wont stop falling when the heart wont stop aching
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 01:32|
__________
Saturday, December 06, 2008
-VISUALS-
had our first CG outing at stella's house last week just a fun time of watching movies and fellowshiping together her house is a palace i tell you everything is in gold and brown and all the majestic colours you can think of so anyway.. like the title suggested. VISUALS !! so im not gonna blog much, not in the mind for it anyway.. so here you go..
if you wondering what this is.. it's popcorn. i know.. hardly looks like it. but really.. and i really gotta bow down to my members.. they can finish not 1, not 2 but 5 packs of stuff like these !!! EEEEEEEEEE.. haha
the one who refused to buy me my favourite M&S cookies. LAO TAK !!!
the unwilling and the willing one
my prize possession !!!! ((:
the other night, we were all feeling very angry towards our members, so we decided to ________ and sell them to YES, ren gou gu cha !! teehee
no ! it's Founder's Bak Kut Teh it was a "hello sandy, want supper? come down NOW !" and off we zoom to balestier for the very sinful supper at 12.30am !!
little cass's hand compared to mine ! cass's my tuition kid btw. but she's really camera shy, so yup. pic of hand instead..
little nicole and me having a competition to see who can balance that thing (o man.. how do you call that ? catek?) for a longer time. so cute right ? haha. both of us !
leaving you with LION QUEEN !! cause my hair's so long and i've got no time to cut it and next.. im RAR-ing cause there's so many things waiting for me to complete.. so.. till then !!
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 02:12|
__________
Friday, December 05, 2008
-a good friend-
alrighty ! pictures will be up in awhile sorry it took so long, but was really busy with the various events for the past 1 week ! meetings plus staring at the laptop till the wee hours to get everything right to calling the different people to check everything is done and calling them again to double check things and calling them yet again to remind them to bring the stuff
am REALLLLLLLLLY excited for B.M.W that is happening on sat, technically.. tomorrow pls pray for very good weather because if not we will be luotangqi/luo soup chicken !!
there were a lot on my mind earlier on and i felt a tug at my heart okay. You've got my full attention now
fall back on everlasting arms i love You; more than life itself
and i'd like to end with this statement:
"what cant kill you only makes you stronger"
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 02:32|
__________
Thursday, November 27, 2008
--
GREETINGS FROM MY BESTIE'S PLACE !!!
anyway, im over at iris's house.. yes, at this hour because we just came back not too long ago from supper !! imagine cheese fries.. maggie goreng.. teh peng.. -drools
i tried uploading some peektures that we took earlier but i just cant seem to find the infra-ed thingy so some other day then
anyhow, i can foresee a time of crazy wii-ing and sharing and all.
a lot of things happened over a span of two weeks and it got a little over whelming at a point of time. but i chose to stay happy despite all and i know the only reason why He is allowing all these to happen is because He knows
He knows that i can handle, He knows i can take it and i know im not alone while going through all these
quoting bestie " i felt peace"
((:
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 03:23|
__________
Sunday, November 16, 2008
--
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 00:40|
__________
Friday, November 14, 2008
-blah.-
yup. you saw it right. BLAH.
the fever that i mentioned earlier escalated in the night and i ended up with a 39.5degree fever which pretty much left me a wreck because i was shivering even though i had two huge, not to mention, thick comforters covering me and the air con was off, the fan was facing the ceiling i fell asleep at 10pm after an early release from work woke up at 1am.. 3am.. 4.15am.. 7am.. i was out of my bed by 8.30am and literally have to drag my mom to bring me to the doctor and i have to take all these pills not a lot actually but my mom was nice enough to cut them up into tiny pieces just so i will eat them now, don't start shaking your head and tsk-ing at me the pills are really big alright?
but anyway.. even after consuming all those pills and half a gallon of water the fever was still around it was fluctuating between 37.8 and 39.2 degrees and trust me.. i felt terrible. my body was aching, i wouldn't stop sneezing and my head.. ARG my head felt like there were a thousand nails being pounded into it whenever i cough which is pretty much all the time.
but.. all's good cept for the nagging cough and the blocked nose and yes, i still haven't stop sneezing yet it will be gone.. SOON !!!
alright. i just finished that box of med you saw earlier on and the drugs' taking effect and my eyes are feeling heavy yet again
BLING Part 2 tomorrow and Loga's hosting !!!! Cant wait !!! more pictures to be up !! Stay Tune !
okay.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 23:54|
__________
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
--
we had our very own Bling event last saturday and it was awesome from the makeover to the quiz to the different performances that we had. peektures will be up once i get everything from Jing.
we finally took our very first CG photo(without nic and anna cause they couldn't make it.) many more chances to do that though.
had our subzone meeting today and really.. the presence of God was really strong and we cant help but fall on our knees while singing "A Pure Heart" a heart not to please man, not to please our leaders, but to please the only One who matters - God. and once again, it's back to searching my heart
haha. okay. i know im not making a lot of sense pardon me, it's nearly 3 in the morning and im feeling slightly nauseous, down with fever, horrible muscle aches and this nasty cough but all's good. -edited- i just check up on gastric flu and look at this ! Symptoms usually include nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, and abdominal cramps. Headache, muscle aches, and a general sense of tiredness are also fairly common. Low-grade fever is present in about half of cases. no wonder im feeling tired all the time. HAHA i slept at 3 last night, woke up at 3pm. slept at 5pm and woke up at 6. and im feeling tired now.. ARG. i hate to feel sick.. especially so when so many things are coming up ! go go go.. be gone !!!!
cant wait for CG meeting and Bling Part 2 !!
spoke to the members today and really, i feel very blessed to be in this cell group, knowing that i have so many people running the race together with me. and when we were praying together just now, woah.. i can just see us inching towards our goal, our vision. new as we may be, small as we may be, but we are STRONG and MIGHTY on the inside. 18-20... HERE WE COME !!!! ((:
I LOVE N450 !!!!!!
teehee. Ed Hardy's new series of tops.
last but not least.. do check out our very own ET Website !!! with the latest news/videos/jokes and many many more.. do stay tune for our fashion corner and also articles on the latest happenings !! www.etzone.org
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 02:17|
__________
Monday, October 27, 2008
-changes.-
wow. time really flies.. it's nearing the end of October and Nov definitely spells a month full of exciting events and major changes for myself ! Of course, i can foresee myself doing more and taking one step closer to my dream (:
this is gonna be a long entry, so beware !
okay. friday was officially my last day of CG in E99 the boys plus see wan and yvonne were really sweet to compose a song, sang it and presented a HUGE card and flowers to me. i must say, it was a bittersweet feeling for me having to leave my two most precious boys behind yes, yao zong and ken, my two little BS boys and the St Hilda's guys who never failed to suan me about my height but nonetheless brought much much joy to my life and of course, Mr Sue who fight many battles with me (like literally) but really someone i know who loves the people a lot a lot
when Glad and Wilson shared their speech, all i was trying to do was not to let the tears fall you know, they shared about how i brought joy to their life, how i was there to encourage them and all, how they learned stuff from me but the truth is.. i was the one who learned a lot from them it was definitely a privilege for me to serve them and Jerb in E99 laughs like what Jerb said.. i wont be very far from you guys because we will still be fellowshiping together and all
met my new members on sunday Jerb called us the chilli padis, small but mighty believing that even as we start with 13, we will grow to 20, 25, 30.. 40 and many many more !
and i realized there are so many things to do ! the contact list, the CGCs, the different ICs for the different things okay, i must admit God was indeed very nice to me in the past, i never had to worry about W351 because steph already did everything for me, or E99 either because suting was around so woah.. really gotta learn and step out ! greater capacity and wisdom. ((:
okay. so the other day i was just worshiping and doing my quiet time and i was like.. God, i need a new word/confirmation from you if you have been following my blog for some time, you would have read this entry called the Mary's miracle about how God spoke to me about not giving up despite the many valleys i have to go through and maybe, i lost the miracle, but like how Mary found Jesus after losing him in the temple, i will find mine again and about how God spoke to me regarding my call through Genesis how He will never leave me until He had finished what He had called me to do those were awesome and it was because of them that i kept on going but i wanted more.. i wanted something new
so i told God that i want fresh revelation from Him and He...
kept quiet. haha
so anyhow, i finished doing my QT and went to bed. the next day, i slept over at dear's house (peektures later!) and i was just reading my bible on her bed the following morning when a small still voice spoke and said.. din i just spoke to you and it came back to me of how He was there the other night when i was doing my QT and HE gave this verse to me 1 Corinthians 2:9
But as it is written:
“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”
how can i even forget that ?! i even blogged about it ! but nonetheless, the presence of God came and it was so strong
so my point is.. God is so so so so real and He knows exactly what im going through, or rather.. when i need that spiritual booster
just the other day, we had our Skin prayer meeting at Lillian's house and it was awesome as there werent many people, Lillian laid hands on each and single one of us and spoke a word into our life and my oh my, i tell you the word is so timely
and iris who was sitting next to me said the presence of God was so strong when lillian laid hands on me that she herself was trembling so really..
i strongly believe that God knows EVERYTHNG that we are going through and many a time, if only you would choose to spend time with Him or listen to Him He will really bring a word of encouragement or what i mentioned, a spiritual booster to you at the right time. (:
okay. peektures !
dear and uncle Jon !! met up Jon for breakfast before heading to WH to help sort out the different goods me and A bear !! teehee project V.A ! cant wait for it to be shown during Bling ! some pics during work.. the two of them decided it will be REALLLLLY fun to scare me while i was on the phone in the store room okay. i really got a shock but its.. ARG !!! haha.
i just received the steamboat peektures from Shin will post it up on my next post
okay, back to the battlefields.. looking forward to this sat's first CG it actually feels weird going back having CG on sat but really.. I CANT WAIT !!!!!!
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 23:58|
__________
Saturday, October 25, 2008
-blessed.-
more on it tmr. im off to bed !
Hello world.. watch out for ME !
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 02:08|
__________
Thursday, October 23, 2008
--
i want to be stronger
i have to be stronger.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 03:02|
__________
Saturday, October 11, 2008
-PEEKTURESSSSSSS-
Plenty of pictures.. from our BBQ to work to family to today's CG to basically everything that happened throughout the month of september.
im one step closer. ((:
risie dear was really sweet to give me mr pocky and golden nuggets ! haha. was really surprised when i opened my bag and found this. ((:
our very own Skin Couture, Jonathan Chaplin !
i hope xuan is not reading my blog nowwwwww...
Cell Group was at Jerb's house for the first time today we had toooooo much food so we had to resort to playing number game to finish it all up check out the individuals' faces as they finished up their forfeit ! (which is pretty disgusting if you ask me, think.. vanilla ice cream + curry and hot dog, YUCKS!)
leaving you with a picture of Jerb... playing Wiiiiiiiiii
Greater things have yet to come i am really excited !! Part of me wants to jump up and down and SCREAMMMMMM but i cant because firstly, i lost my voice secondly, if i jump up and down now, my neighbour will probably come knocking on my door but anyhow, i am REALLLLLLLLLLY excited for what, i do not know but what i do know is.. GREATER THINGS ARE STILL TO BE DONE ((:
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 01:20|
__________
Sunday, September 21, 2008
-and so i have some spare time on hand-
hit myself against the chair over at JW on monday and look what happened !
Monday Night
Wednesday
Friday
it's scary how a little knock will result in a bruise this size !
and thanks to all who prayed for my aunt aka mother. she's discharged from hospital on friday ! PTL ! ((:
i remember her holding my hands when we were alone in the room and she said.. 到了教堂,要记住帮 Mother 祈祷 让 Mother 快快好起来
with that, i went home and prayed with all my might it was 4am, yet when i prayed, it felt like God was just next to me
and the best thing that happened? my god ma was transferred to a normal ward this morning
i believe in the power of prayers "by His stripes, my mother will be healed!"
mother, 我怕您不会读英语 所以我翻译成中文
愿望下次我能读给您听
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 01:14|
__________
Friday, September 12, 2008
--
okay. so i haven blogged for about 1 month but nonetheless, it was a chop-chop month for me time passes real fast when you are busy with stuff everyday from work to different outreaches to the many farewells to the boys turning into men teehee
anyhow.. sunday was spent with the clique at timbre to send mr lucas chia off to being a police ! how blessed is that man.
shing.. you gotta be careful. look at how david is staring at jiahao ! and like what shing said.. you can calllllll lucas at 9XXXXXX5 (i'll be nice and give you 1 extra digit)
okay. pictures aside.
you know.. i was just listening to an old song which my friend sent to me some time back. i didnt really took notice of the lyrics till today
it says.. Oh Lord You've searched me, You know my way
sounds simple right?
but it's so true. search my heart, God
i check up the meaning of search and it says "to look at or beneath the superficial aspects of to discover a motive, reaction, feeling, basic truth"
i really feel that in whatever that we do, we ought to have the right motive/attitude. maybe it was today's conversation with Jon and Iris that made me a little heavy hearted in a good way we talked about expectation management, right motivation and more and i pray that i will have the right attitude and motivation for everything that i do you know how sometimes you start to get into a routine and it becomes like a chore rather than joy because things are not happening the way you want them to? and you start doing things because you have to, not because you want/love to?
then you gotta start going back to your first love, the ultimate reason why we doing all these. not for own glory, not for fame nor status. but just to please the heart of the only One who matters.
so come.. search my heart and make me strong
and one day, i will stand before the Lord and know i had done my best.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 00:28|
__________
Friday, August 15, 2008
--
and so i was down with a bout of cold and bad bad bad runny nose.
was at home for the whole day today, a pity i missed the morning prayer meeting but i was burning up pretty badly that my mom made me stay at home
nonetheless, it was good time spent alone as my mom went on a cruise and my sister to somewhere. haa
i read a book today, one which i've read cover to cover at least 3 times. i love reading, if you dont already know. i also ran 20 rounds around my house today! kudos to someone who dont really exercise much !
but what was most fruitful was spending time praying and dwelling in His presence.
will share more about that later. but anyway.. i think i used to be a very impatient person, at least i hope i am not now ! but i hate waiting for the light to turn green before i can cross the road i hate seeing 5mins light up on the screen while waiting for the train i used to "cut lanes" whenever i walked behind an elderly or a pregnant lady i'd find excuses to hang up a call as soon as i can with a "take care! i'll see you soon!" but soon never seems to come around.
anyway.. things started to change. i cannot walk past an elderly with a heavy bag without helping him or her to carry it i find it difficult to just end a call with someone knowing that i haven said what i should most importantly.. i learned that the presence of God needs a little of waiting upon the bible tells us to tarry in His presence to spend a little more time than you intended to
and that was exactly what i did today. i tarried in His presence and it felt AWESOME !!!!!!!!
take me deeper, deeper in love with You Jesus, hold me close in Your embrace take me deeper deeper than i've ever been before i just want to love You more and more how i long to be deeper in love
it was just so simple no gimmicks needed no chim words to impress Him
just a simple.. God.. take me deeper i do not want to be ankle deep, or knee deep, or waist deep.. but i want to swim in your presence every single day
and BAM the presence of God came and i spent the next hour weeping and praying and really.. it's THAT easy. you should try it someday.
anyhow, i got a verse after that and once again, it never fails to revive the dead dreams, the weak spirit.. you know faith like energy will leak out of us sometimes.. that's why it's so important for us to get recharge by God everyday !
1 Corinthians 2:9
But as it is written:
“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”
i wanta blog something that's close to my heart. something that will probably cause mixed reactions but next post, maybe.. haha. the medication's kicking in and my eyelids are feeling really heavy now
but.. i just wanta say. YOU ! WAKE UP !!!!!! dont just do it out of convenience when will you really learn to love Him? okay. ranting's over. im gonna go rant to risie now. laughs.
if You can use anything.. God, You can use me
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 00:07|
__________
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
--
i know, its been some time.
i've been busy. and really.. busy is just an understatement. reports, presentation, work, CG have been taking up the bulk of my time and its good. because like a typical singaporean, it actually feels weird if you are not doing some thing.
and it's one of those weird moments whereby i'd enough of reports and powerpoint slides and i decided to pop by and jot something down before one more person come and ask me to update. =P
Action is eloquence. - William Shakespeare
okay. a series of pictures to let you on my week or rather.. weeks. haa
went to visit mother at her house looks like she's getting better and better day by day and really.. can you tell where i got all my silly facial expressions from?
next on was the birthday surprise for JASMINE ! it was reallllly good okay, cept for the fact that i arrived really late due to work and thanks to you know who you are for sharing that burden with me. (:
it was even better when i received that sms from HER the day after lots of people have been telling me that people's opinions dont matter a lot, just so long you please God, everything's fine. but i beg to differ to a certain extent of course. wont it better to be able to please God yet at the same time, create a good impression on people, no? anyway.. i thought it was good and it felt good to have someone recognize the effort/time put in. like what Jerb always say.. it's always the heart that matter and the motive behind everything that you do
we were suppose to go shopping for stuff after leader's fellowship on tuesday but alas, carrefour's closed and we have to turn back can you tell how disappointed Nathan is?.. okay, maybe not. laughs.
last but not least.. we(ris, ling and me) went to catch Money No Enough 2 on sat after closing it was an last minute decision but it was fun ! no pictures of us only one picture which ris forced me to take
anyway.. can i say
i really think God is good.
i thank God for speaking to me through people and His Word i thank God that when im coughing myself crazy in the storeroom, ling went to get a cup of hot water from Starbucks for me i thank God for Risie who bought at least 3 packets of lozenges for me i thank God for that bottle of honey which wil bought for me i thank God for wisdom and strength.
ask, and you shall receive it.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 00:13|
__________
Sunday, July 27, 2008
-i aint no supergirl.-
God, i need wisdom.
darkness may come, trials seem so long You are the light i depend on through valleys and storms Your word keeps me strong
i will trust in You
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 00:50|
__________
Sunday, July 20, 2008
--
i just gotta blog this. jon's angry cause i haven been blogging since forever..
anyway just had my subzone event and it was great. taxing, tiring, a little disappointed but great saw how the members rose up and french fries.. SECOND uh ?! ((: but it would have been better if some F turned up but like what ris and my dear mr yao zong said...
THERE MUST BE SOMETHING MORE THAN THIS.
and im clinging on to that.
a poem which impacted me a lot this week.
this was something that i wrote about a year back and it was about how i want to run a three legged race with God you know those races during sports day whereby one of yours and your partner's feet were tied together and it seemed like there were only 3 legs instead of 4 ? that's exactly how i want to run with God sticking by Him running with Him
falling down and picking ourselves up together
during this week, God used this poem to speak to me on tuesday, when bro ed laid hands i felt God saying.. with you, I'll run the three-legged race
not much of a big deal right ? wait till you see my poem below.
anyway. i am never giving up. NEVER
no one knows, i hope you care deep down the troubles with no one to share beyond that smile, beyond that grin look into those eyes and see what's deep within
this pair of hands is losing grip im so afraid that i will slip hold me dear, and hold me tight tell me we will win this fight
this pair of eyes is losing sight no reassurance that it's alright You've kept quiet for far too long but still i'll sing You my love song
with You, i know it's alright with You, i know im in no plight guide me through this valley, God tell me my house is built on rock
with You by me i will not sway i promise i'll walk with You everyday sometimes it seems like there's no end but i know, Lord, im in safe hands
and when i feel like giving up i'll lift everything up in a cup so God i pray, please dont let go cause, remember, i love You so
and though it seems i walk by myself and sometimes i really do feel like a elf everyone's so fast, im at a slow pace with You, i'll run, the three legged race.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 22:41|
__________
Thursday, July 10, 2008
--
i run away when I get scared i find a place where no ones there and i cry
my shame it comes its like a glove it leaves me enough to choke and im stranded
when i fall down You pick me up You wipe my eyes and say its alright
Hes the one that knows the place i go He never fails to let me know im forgiven
He sees the good in you and me He throws our sins into the sea they're forgotten they're forgotten
and no matter where you go no matter what you know no matter who you are no matter what you thought its forgiven
and no matter what you say no matter time of day no matter how you look no matter what you took its forgotten
how does it feel like.. to be forgotten?
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 00:41|
__________
Sunday, June 22, 2008
-im a bu dao weng-
time really flies
i know its been awhile since i last blogged was pretty busy with church, school, work and camp for the past one month. im glad im left with one last month of attachment its no fun having a schedule like this
Monday, Wednesday & Thursday 8.30 to 5pm - attachment 6 to closing - Skin
Tuesday 8.30 to 5pm - attachment 7.30 to late - meeting
Friday 8.30 to 5pm - attachment 7.30 to late - CG
Sat 12.30 to closing - Skin
Sunday 8am to late - CHURCH
ive been sleeping at almost 3 and waking up at 7 almost everyday for the past few months but yet, it was the most fruitful 5months i ever had i must say, i couldnt have done it without my Best Friend, my Helper, my Lord so to God be the glory !
plenty of updates to make up for the past one month!
the most important (IMO and in many others too!) event of the month
JERB GOT MARRIED TO JARED !! mrs lim she shall be called.
it was the long awaited J&J wedding and im really really glad for her! (:
next up was Camp Phenomena; STEP UP !
okay. to be honest, it wasnt exactly the camp that touches it was more of the planning, scolding and learning process that really taught me a lot. Of course, not forgetting the night whereby we had a session in the AVA room and God's presence was so tangible, you cant help but stand in awe of Him.
once again, i was very privileged to be in the planning committee and being in charge of a few things i wouldnt dare say that i did great but i felt that i really learnt a lot through all these meetings will never forget the call from Steph, which left me pretty much a wreck in Skin storeroom or Risie dear praying for me in the small dark alley by the bus stop or the long talks with Jin Lian or just a simple text from Stranger or Rubbish Bin
it was definitely a trying period for me especially so for that night which i went to Boss's house for the camp booklet with so many things on hand, i got slightly bruised and broken
but it was also the camp which taught me many stuff that i will never get to learn elsewhere and also allowed me to experience a God so true that He's not only there through the good days but so much for so when you are in the downs and i really treasure the fact that they trust me enough to do those stuff and if i have to do the same things for camp again i will definitely do it better !
Also, we celebrated Edmund's birthday during tuesday meeting and you really have to pop by Shing's blog for more details i was distracted half the time because the candle refused to keep still and it kept dropping and wait till i get the video from Jin Lian the video makes me feel like a paparazzi for a day how we ran and stalked and surprised Jia Hui in the car
or how we went to boss house in the middle of the night to sing a song for him
that's all for the month of June many more stuff coming up
the Sentosa Trip in July, the ending of my attachment and more! leaving you with a picture that will definitely boost my viewership HAHA.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 22:52|
__________
Friday, May 30, 2008
--
God, i need You.
enlarge wisdom guidance
a word of encouragement a pat on the back
no recognition needed
today i let go it feels good to snuggle in You again
those big arms that come around me pulling me into Your embrace
slightly bruised and broken.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 01:42|
__________
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
-that was enough-
haha. jo commented that i haven been blogging since april 19, so here i am..
week or rather the month of April had been rather eventful for me.. the most significant one would be going back to LM, definitely something that i will never let go of again.
Tuesday with Pastor Derek was really great you know, the kind of feeling whereby you just put aside your ministry, work, school, everything and just focus on nothing but God is wonderful and like what people always say.. one touch from God and our lives will never be the same again
the night i walked out of the hall feeling surreal and definitely very very privileged (laughs. pardon me, but i really thought God must be a REALLY forgiving God to put me back in again)
but of course, life's not a bed of roses and many things did happen throughout the month stuff that i would rather not elaborate but nonetheless, made me see a side of things that i had never seen made me realised that there are indeed many who cares about me even though i do not know it and really.. to never never take anything i have now for granted.
anyhow, i just received a mail from my uncle which i thought was really nice.. left me tearing at the end of the presentation because it just brought me back to the night of LM whereby we were all laughing and crying under the power of God and that audible voice that never fails to bring assurance to me those few words that brought me back to those nights whereby i was just playing my guitar and praying and You were there.
i miss You.
anyhow.. here it goes,
when i say, "i cant solve this," You said, "I will direct your paths." - Proverbs 3 : 5-6
when i say, "i feel alone," You said, "never will I leave you nor forsake you." - Hebrews 13 : 5
when i say, "i am afraid," You said, "fear not, for I am with you." - Isaiah 41 : 10
when i say, "i am tired," You said, "come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11 : 28
God is LOVE.
and if you want to know more of God's promises to us..
read the bible.
HAHAH.
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 22:52|
__________
Saturday, April 19, 2008
-frustrated.-
you know, i have every reason to be like the above picture
it was a horrible day yesterday. i.blew.forty.bucks.on.cabs.alone.yesterday.
yes, you heard me right. forty bucks. in fact, my last forty bucks from Concourse to Braddell to Bishan back to Braddell and back to Concourse again
to cut a long story short, it was plainly just miscommunication and sillyness on my part.
supposed to leave work at 12, but in the end, i had to stay till 5. cabbed home during lunch hour to take my stuff, only to realise that i left my keys back at home. cabbed to look for bug yee to get keys from her, then back home again and back to office.
an office which was deserted because everyone had left early for our company's dinner and dance, which i was supposed to do so too if not for this colleague of mine.
if i can sum my day up with just a word, it will be "horrendous"
anyway, took a bus down to Tamp for CG i dont know if you had ever felt like this before. but i was sitting alone at the front of the bus, and you know everytime before you cry, there seems to be a stone stuck at your throat and no matter how hard you try to swallow, it just wouldnt go down ? and no matter how many times i repeat jia yous, sandy, you can do it, aza aza fighting, im a fighter to myself, the tears just kept threatening to fall.
i feel like a bottle of gas, ready to pop anytime. the accumulated stress, pressure, lack of sleep, tiredness were definitely taking a toil on me.
but God is good ! and i believe all things work together for the good of God.
He din say a lot to me during the bus journey, in fact, He din speak at all.
but during worship in CG, all i heard was just.. "I know"
and thats all i need.
for every one reason the world gives you to frown, God gives you ten reasons to smile.
i am a fighter ! (:
| s a n d y wrote this down @ 23:19|
__________
me
s a n d y
twenty on 14 dec
loves God
city harvest
n163
n317
w351
e99
n450
to lead; to inspire
loves
God
you
myself
white
reading
writing
children
wishes
REVIVAL
CGL
Family Salvation
CASH !!! (pretty much covers everything)
MPH, Borders, Times, Kinokuniya vouchers
BIG bag for me to dump my stuff (laptop/notes)
Pretty Wedges/PLatforms/Killer Heels
TR Jeans
Ipod's earphones (mine's dying)
Singtel Vouchers
.jpg)
