Monday, June 27, 2005

-my smile as a facade..-

"Move To The Other Side Of The Block"

So we try and try all of our life
working with such pride
making cash just to survive
as we race and grade and judge away other folks mistakes
makes us good to feel that way.

And don't you know, it never stops.
Try to please the world and beat the ticking clocks, but I,
I'm not letting it happen this time.
No no because if you don't fail, and reach your bail,
I feel so secure when I'm in this jail, but I,
I'm not letting it happen this time

So I'll move to the other side of the block
so we wont ever have to stop making the rounds, having the laughs
singing the sounds of relaxing, and on the other side
of the clock the power switch will be turned off and all will be well and
time will stand still, and I will be locked out from my jail.

its been a rough week.. scoldings, scoldings and more scoldings. i dunno but its so difficult.. ive tried my best. i did to the best i know how. ive prayed. ive fasted. and u blame me when they dun come. i feel so helpless. i dunno what to do.

i cried not because im weak,
i cried not because i want sympathy or pity,
i cried, because crying silently is no longer possible,
the pain, hurt and agony have become too big a burden for me to be kept inside.

i guess what happened last night really caused me to blow up like never before. i vent my anger on everyone and i dunno.. somehow its so not me. but im disappointed. by the things u said.. and the tone of your voice. u never did that to me before and that's why i guess im so affected by it.
and somehow it really makes me wonder. that has the past 3 months gone to waste? a frenship so fragile? one that couldnt take the pressure?

im very affected by it. i might never ever talk to you again bout stuff.. i know you're sick and everything but.. i dunno. ever had the feeling of rejection? this pain u have somewhere at theis organ called a heart?

u never know what lies behind this smile. the pain, anger, sadness all hidden well from everyone. i not blogging all these because i want pity. no. i just wanta say it all out and wait till the day when i can really smile like i mean it..

im sinking.. dun let me go.. dun let me drown.. You're always there to pull me up.. but God.. i couldnt take it anymore. You saw everything. my tears u kept in little bottles up in heaven. thank You for everything You've done. if You dun come true for me, i dunno how long more i can handle this. i thought im strong. but God.. You know.. deep down, im not


| s a n d y wrote this down @ 23:26|

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