Friday, June 24, 2005

-walking with You..-

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart

I'll bring you more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what you have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And its all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When its all about You
Its all about You

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring you more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what you have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

have u ever realised? that things seldom goes the way you want them to be.. well.. i guess these are just parts and parcels of life..

you know.. ive been going on and on without talking much bout myself. kays. today shall be an entry that's dedicated all to me.

i come from an above average family.. with parents who are loving yet strict at the same time.. they worked hard and im used to getting what i always wanted. i dun live in a private apartment but i do have a house. my dad dun drive around in a fancy car but we do just fine with our old one.

i used to think wow.. i have a great family.. till one day, sth happened.. the man of my life.. the one i admired the most betrayed my trust. he got into an affair and since then, the family is neglected. i guess he thought he had fulfilled what he's suppose to do. sign the report cards. give us the allowance. come home once in a while.. no.. u know what? its not just about that. if i can choose.. i would rather just have you.. a perfect family. im no perfect daughter.. im not even near perfect. i remembered the times whereby u scolded me when i din get into em1.. times when my results are terrible and u screamed at me.. i hated u then and i wished i never had a dad like you. gosh.. if i could turn back time, i would have taken back all my words.. i dont mind getting scolded or being screamed at.. i only want a whole family..

there's times where i feel like killing u cuz of the state u left my mom in.. my sister too is being affected. hey. know why she's turning to drinking, bad company, fights and stuff? she may not say it.. but that's probably because she wants u to just give her a little attention.

there's also times where i wished u're here with us. i know.. u still live with us and eveything.. but where's ur heart now? remember when mei mei got into trouble? i had to go down and help her because u werent answering my calls.. when she had to go to the police station and u just reached den started to scold her with all the profanities u could think of, telling the police u have no such daughter.. u know how i feel? i almost wihed its true.

its been 3 yrs.. and our lives have never been the same again. how i yearn for just a meal with you.. u dun remember my bdae.. neither my sis.. not even ur own wife.. but we remember urs.. u werent even home on father's day. i know u're there.. over at that woman's house.

im sorry dad.. that im not perfect. i can never be.. i dunno what izzit that will make u go out and look for someone else. ive tried to be the best i could. i dunno.. someday.. i'll find out.. i only wanta make u proud of me.. the smile on ur face when i say dad, i did well for my studies.. i might not be able to see it again.. i hope i do..

you know what? i forgive you.. for not being the dad i want you to be.. i forgive you for neglecting me, my mom, my sister..

i forgive you for all the things u had done.. i forgive you.. i only want you back..

i promise i will be good.. if that's what u want..


| s a n d y wrote this down @ 23:21|

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