Friday, August 03, 2007

-walk with Me-

the coldest part of winter is just before the ice melts

She told herself that every one goes through tough times before the lucky break. She told herself a lie. As she walked through the corridors of the school, her black Mary Janes make a hollow sound. Her knuckles turn white as she clutched the big brown envelope which represented her dreams, her person-hood.

What-ifs stream through her mind like chopped up scenes from a movie trailer showcasing her pretend life. Maybe she was mentally unstable and was just possessed with illusions of grandeur. Maybe she was not really cut out for it.

“You have a gift, use it”

“Not many people can do what you can, and do it well like you do”

“I know you can”

The sun’s afternoon rays played with her shadow as she walked. What would she give to hear those words again? What would she do to be swung up into the air by those strong hands, shriek with exhilaration and terror but feel safe still. What would it take, to bring those times back?

Her grip softened.

She just stood there in the hallway, not knowing whether to laugh, because finally she had the courage to put her work - her life at stake, or to cry, because she failed. Before she was even aware a tear rolled its way down her cheek. The wind from the open window brushed it away like the way it drowns out a whisper.

And she was five again, struggling with her shoelaces, her forehead knitted in concentration. Her cheeks red from huffing and puffing. The other kids must be out there on the park, and she was still stuck with her stupid, uncooperative, pink, Barbie sneakers. Giving up, she vented her anger at the stubborn laces, only making the knots difficult to untangle. A swift and firm tap of the fist on her head jolts her. She lifts her head up.

And she sees him smiling. Bemused at her impatience and intolerance for such a young child.

“Bappa, I cannot”

“Well, you just need to try”

“But I can’t, I tried and tried…” She drops her shoulders in frustration. He sits down beside her on the front porch steps.

“Well you just have to try again ,” That’s all he says. She looks down at the sea of knots.

“Then, why are you here if you’re not going to help me?” She then stoops down to try and untangle the mess she created.

“Bappa will not always be around to help you, you will be a big girl soon, you have to learn things on your own” She stops midway, letting her grandfather’s words sink in.

“Why? Where are you going? Can you take me?” He clicked his tongue and looked out on to the pavement.

“No, you have to stay here and be the best girl that you can be”

“And then you can take me?, I promise to be the very best girl I can be!” She stands up and raises her right hand as a sign of promise. He looks at his granddaughter who is dressed in a pink Cabbage Patch Kids shirt and denim shorts with her laces in the wrong places.

“Maybe, you will, but not soon”

“I know I will, I can be the very best girl!” She places her hands on her hips and pouts her lips.

“Finish your laces, then you can play outside”

“I don’t want to anymore, I told you I can’t!” She drops herself down on the floor and lets her arms droop to her side.

“All right, we’ll just have to find another way” He then stood up and stretched his arms.

“What other way?” Her ears piqued with the suggestion of an alternative. Her Bappa stooped down and reached out his arms to her. Instinctively she holds out her arms. But instead of carrying her, he begins to untie her laces, his hands moving swiftly, until they are all untangled.

“But I already told you, I cannot” She protested. But to her surprise, he removes her shoes. He ties the four laces together and swings the shoes over his shoulders. She wiggles her left toes and then her right. He stood up.

“Come, let’s walk together” And he lifts her up, with her facing him, he places her right foot over his left foot, her left foot over her right. She giggles as they begin to shuffle together.

Whether you’re walking forward, or taking a step back I will be with you. You are a big strong girl. Just try another way, we’ll walk together.








credits to the best writer IMO, toutou !


| s a n d y wrote this down @ 00:49|

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