Wednesday, August 12, 2009

-to you-

Dearest Mother,



it's been 6 days since you are gone and i miss you so.
not one day went by without me crying myself to sleep, i tried to stop the tears but they just kept falling.

it finally dawned upon me that
when i am lost somewhere in toa payoh, i cant call you and ask what bus to take back home anymore
when i forget to bring my keys out, i cant go over to your place to rest anymore
the name "Mother" will never appear to be calling me on my handphone asking me if i want some curry/homecooked soup anymore
when i dial home, i won't hear the usual "hello" anymore, the one that's so unique i know it's you right away
no one to call me "mina or qiao po" anymore


that steamboat dinner i was supposed to eat with all of you that night?
that hot fudge ice cream you were craving for?

the last time i brought you to SGH for your check up
the last time you were admitted into hospital, and before i left, you pointed at me and turned to your neighbour telling her,"that's my god daughter"
the last night i kept vigil by your bed, stroking your head every 15mins, asking you to go to sleep
the last time i hold your hands, telling you that you can go in peace, i am old enough to take care of myself
the last time i walked into the hospital ward and your eyes lited up and even though you cant speak, i know you were glad



im sorry i wasnt there with you when you left
i was an hour late
and

as i hold on to your hands, i feel you leave me slowly
your forehead grew cold to touch and no matter how many times i screamed "mother", you just didnt wake up.


my last words to you were
"mother, wo ming tian hui lai kan ni"

tomorrow never happen.


it's been 6 days since you are gone and i miss you so.
not one day went by without me crying myself to sleep, i tried to stop the tears even as im typing now but they just kept falling.

i soaked my pillow at night, i woke up to puffy eyes
i cry in the shower, i cry when i see our picture
i cry because i am not strong



i miss you, mother
even though i know you are in a better place now.
no cancer, no difficulties breathing.
i'll see you again one day.

i love you, mother.


with love,
me





| s a n d y wrote this down @ 01:16|

__________