anything to be with You..

i love CHC

2010-06-03T23:11:00.002+08:00

a mixture of negative comments, rude remarks and name calling
honestly, i think Pastor do not deserve any of these, afterall, nothing has been proven yet.

when someone dear to you is being wrongly accused, won't you want to stand up and defend him/her?

i've been in CHC for the last 9 years, no one force me to attend services, no one force me to contribute to the building fund, no one force me to pay my tithe.
this is the place where i found love from God, from friends, from people around me. this is the place where i changed from a shy, young yet rebellious girl to who i am today, CHC shaped my character, it changes my life.

i don't really bother about what the rest are saying, but i feel some of them went a tad too far. remember, Pastor is innocent unless otherwise proven.

i strongly believe that there is justice and God will fight for us. we are not just a group of young kids who follow blindly or like what some are saying, idolize our leaders.
if that is the case, i would have finished idolizing and left a few years back. it's more than just the hype and excitement, the songs or the fame that cause each and every one of us to stay.
it is the presence, the love, the unity, and i believe that through this, our church will come out stronger.

i love CHC, this is my home, the place i grew up in.
so proud to be a City Harvester.

why, hello there.

2010-03-17T19:04:00.002+08:00

it's been a mad busy week

started my new job and loving every bit of it ! okay, maybe not the waking up early and feeling extremely tired at 10pm part
but otherwise, im enjoying it !

just gonna pen down what happened last night at DD meeting lest i forget

it was incredible and im so proud of my members, each and every one of you who listened and came early.
as Pastor D prayed and ministered and moved in the spirit, my life was being played like a drama moving at slow pace in my mind (arg, wrong sentence structure, pardon me cause im mad busy ! 101 things on my to do list!) :)

the times whereby He spoke to me
the times whereby i felt Him so strongly that i actually trembled
the times whereby i stood still and know
the times whereby i played the guitar and He came
the time when mother left and i had to be strong for the family, He said you can break down before Me
the time He told me i can fall and i will fall into His arms

and i can go on and on and on about the times He touched me
the times i laughed while crying, yet not feel embarrassed about it

im so glad i know my God
"like a deer pants for the water, so my heart longs after Thee"

grab this off from my friend's blog

"Holiness is having the attitude of never wanting to grieve the Holy Spirit."
---Pastor Kong

let me be holy before You.

2010-03-09T11:27:00.002+08:00

i think many had taken for granted the things which have been given to us
the very simple things in life which seems like they will be with us forever

i, for one had taken my heartbeat for granted
my limbs, my eyes, my body

just a few days back, my friend's father passed away at the tender age of 52
yesterday, i've gotten hold of news that my friend's dad has advanced colon cancer at age 50

maybe all it takes is for us, all of us to lose something we've taken granted for before knowing how precious it is to us

for you, it reminded me of the prodigal son
maybe all it takes is for you to go back into the world and have fun there first
but no matter what, i'll always be here waiting for you to come back.

our salvation is something not to be taken granted for

6th march - the 7th goodbye

2010-03-01T01:24:00.002+08:00

Pastor preached an awesome sermon today.
one thing that struck me and struck me hard was when he talked about how God sees everything and He really appreciates all that we are doing?

again and again
it brings me back to the days of small beginnings
when i had nothing much to offer
just a heart that loves Him and wanting to serve Him

2010 marks the 9th year i've been in church
seen much, grew much, but the desire is still the same

this entire week of MPM had brought me yet one step closer to Him
everynight after everyone has gone to bed, i will take my guitar and just sing those old old songs that we used to sing in CG
"U.R.Y"

why i love, why i give, why i sing, why i live

my one desire is to know You more, love You more and serve You more

of course, it aint easy
but everything's going into "notes to Mother" file
i still think of her at times
especially at nights like these when things arent exactly going my way
and i long for a hug

5 more days to your 7th month anniversary
however, it seemed like you just left yesterday.
i miss you so much

十字路口, 谁来陪我一起走?

2010-02-24T01:43:00.002+08:00

just came back from a powerful meeting
once again, we are down on our knees, crying out for Abba Father
no one cared very much about how they look, whether their make up is smudged or if their hair is messy
that aside

one thing that kept coming back to me again and again
love, grace and mercy
i must admit, i am no saint
and sometimes, words that cut, that hurt slip out from my mouth
and the prideful me refused to admit im wrong

i need a bigger heart
to extent more love, more grace, show more mercy

i cannot afford to lose You.
the One and Only who matters

2010-02-05T01:52:00.003+08:00

making a point to blog more these days

anyhow, visited uncle yew today.
if you do not know him, pls refer to shingology.blogspot.com

a poor and old man staying by himself, children who do not want him anymore
sigh

anyway, went to visit him at his house with WW today
waited for him for 2 and half hours, but only managed to pass him the food we bought for him
wanted to clean up his house cause it's getting dirty and we could smell the stench from even outside the door
but he gently refused and closed the door

hope he got the clothes and other stuff we got for him
popping by on monday again to make sure he has food
and to clean his house if possible !

my heart just goes out to these elderly..
while waiting for uncle yew, we saw a lot of elderly around that area
some picking up cardboards, some sitting by themselves at the playground
wish i can help each and every single one of them

2010-02-01T02:09:00.003+08:00

a whole month since i last blogged
and i realised i seem to be starting every entry with the same line! =/

anyhow,
a short entry to revive this dead blog

sth that has been on my mind for the longest time
spent some awesome quality time with shi today
felt so encouraged and inspired

thank God for close friends who are always there to listen

i've always pride myself as someone who listens more than i talk
i know, pretty unbelievable right?
but it's true!
perhaps that's why people choose to share with me

the flip side is..
i dont really share with people
maybe one or two random smses late at night to vent a little
but other than that
its all bottled up within me
sharing with the only One who listens to me even at 5am in the morning
playing my guitar
just me and Him

am glad i chose to open up today to shi
im so excited for things ahead

i still get nervous everytime before ____
even after almost a year
but i guess its just my way of telling Him, i cant do this by myself
You have to be present
and He never fails to turn up

am glad that this is the path i chose
and will stick to for the next 40 odd years of my life
and while im on this path
pls correct me
pls guide me
pls rebuke me in secret
pls be with me
pls mould me
pls search my heart
pls guard my mouth and heart
if there's ever a tinge of wrong, pls teach me

fighting for the King's heart

I CANT BELIEVE IT !!!

2009-12-10T11:28:00.002+08:00

like what the title suggests

i cant believe im turning the BIG TWO ONE in 4 days time!
time passes real fast

anyhow,
if you honestly feel that you are close enough with me to get me a pressie
i would really love to have

1. HAIR DRYER (seriously, can help me have more time to sleep cause then i dun have to wait for my hair to dry everynight before sleeping)
2. Contribute to help-sandy-not-sleep-on-the-streets-while-she-is-in-bangkok fund ((:
3. Heels, Wedges, basically anything with height (everyone thinks/knows i need this, BADLY)
4. HAHHA. i cant think of anymore

got my best present for this year on tuesday. ((: the one present i've been waiting for, for 7 whole years
but it's all worth it
finally. and im so glad

the flip side?
can't share with mother.
but don't worry
wrote and archive in my "notes to mother" file
mother, wo zhuo dao le ! ni zai tian shan yi ding hen gao xing ((:

好想你

2009-11-25T03:49:00.004+08:00

mother,

好久没写信给你了
突然好想你..

walked past your house today and saw Papa standing by himself by the window

it's been almost 4months since you passed away
then why is it so that everytime i look at your picture, the tears wont cease falling

an auntie called the other day and asked to speak to you
i told her you are not at home
you've gone out.. to somewhere very far away
she asked if you will come home soon
i hung up, whispering.. "i dont think so"

it's 4.30am on a wednesday morning
one hour short of that day of your passing
i miss you so much that i cry late at night
i tried to supress, my emotions i fight

my dearest mother, can you hear me now?
i kept telling myself, you are only out of town
that someday in heaven, we will meet again
so now i just have to learn to deal with the pain

my dearest mother, my birthday is drawing near
this is my first year, spending without you here
the shoes that you bought for me, is now tattered and torn
memories i have of you, become scattered and gone

and now i'll end my writing
cause my eyes are all red and puffy
but Mother, when night becomes morning
i promise you i'll look happy

好想你
love you

misses you

2009-10-29T00:39:00.003+08:00

you know like what they say.
your words will either make or break you
and very often relationship/friendship is like a vase
that breaks easily with just a wrong word said or a "at the moment, i feel like throwing this friendship down the roof" kinda thing

and though we try so hard to mend it back
there still lies some cracks that may seem okay to all
but if you were to look closely, you know it will never be the same again

so my take is ?
God, guard my heart and mouth. let every word not break, but edify/encourage/inspire.

i realised i am fiercely protective over my life
a lot of times i choose to keep silent rather than voice it out
and it causes misunderstandings

i wonder when will the new vase come?
today? tomorrow? never?

2009-10-07T21:45:00.003+08:00

i find myself reading and re-reading my archives yet again.
time flies uh ?.. it's been two months.

went for steamboat at aunt's house to satisfy cousin's craving for luncheon meat. sat at the seat where aunt used to sit and accompany me while i eat

okay, seriously. i need to stop thinkin about all these. she is in a better place now.

had our first CG mid autumn festival and it was great. big thanks and applause to Nat, Darren, Jo and Nik for taking games ! it was fun yet weirdly gross (you got to wait for nat to upload the peektures before understanding!)

thanking God for every single thing. wouldnt have done it if not for Him

thank God for the members i have; they are the best one can ask for. i want to lay down my life for them
thank God for the chance of being a CGL
thank God for every CG where i get to touch people's lives
thank God for understanding friends who know what i am going through
thank God for Iris who stood by me no matter what, for rebuking when im wrong, for encouraging when im down
thank God for Darren who plays for me without fail every week
thank God for Mommy who cooks the cabbage, nuggets and potato soup, lettuce, chicken wings and corn soup on alternate days without fail (mommy, if you are reading, i love your cooking but can we change the order already? heeee)
thank God for colleagues who turn that frown upside down
thank God for SS, bird, seet and cil who never fail to put a smile on my face, for fighting this fight together with me !

thank God for good memories of you.
i still write to you every other day. Eugene chanced upon the folder during stock take the other day. folder "notes to mother"
in it, i tell you stuff like i cut my hair. i think you will call me qiao po if you can see me. and i've graduated from SOT, i wished i could show you my graduation picture. i think you will be able to spot me right away cause i was standing in front. and other stuff like how Papa's friends asked him to go China with them, but he rejected them cause he says those were the places you went with him some 4 years back.

i have so many things to tell you, so i guess i will continue writing to you.
love you, mean it.

2009-08-25T01:49:00.002+08:00

i still can't get over it

it's been 16days

i saw someone who looks like you today while walking home alone from central.
i wish to hear your voice again

Papa called today
said he cant sleep
sometimes he wish that you are back, sleeping next to him

just the other day,
Papa used your phone to call me
my heart skipped a beat when i saw your face flashing on my phone
i wished it was you.

i miss you...
so much, it hurts.

to you

2009-08-12T01:16:00.004+08:00

Dearest Mother,

it's been 6 days since you are gone and i miss you so.
not one day went by without me crying myself to sleep, i tried to stop the tears but they just kept falling.

it finally dawned upon me that
when i am lost somewhere in toa payoh, i cant call you and ask what bus to take back home anymore
when i forget to bring my keys out, i cant go over to your place to rest anymore
the name "Mother" will never appear to be calling me on my handphone asking me if i want some curry/homecooked soup anymore
when i dial home, i won't hear the usual "hello" anymore, the one that's so unique i know it's you right away
no one to call me "mina or qiao po" anymore

that steamboat dinner i was supposed to eat with all of you that night?
that hot fudge ice cream you were craving for?

the last time i brought you to SGH for your check up
the last time you were admitted into hospital, and before i left, you pointed at me and turned to your neighbour telling her,"that's my god daughter"
the last night i kept vigil by your bed, stroking your head every 15mins, asking you to go to sleep
the last time i hold your hands, telling you that you can go in peace, i am old enough to take care of myself
the last time i walked into the hospital ward and your eyes lited up and even though you cant speak, i know you were glad

im sorry i wasnt there with you when you left
i was an hour late
and

as i hold on to your hands, i feel you leave me slowly
your forehead grew cold to touch and no matter how many times i screamed "mother", you just didnt wake up.

my last words to you were
"mother, wo ming tian hui lai kan ni"

tomorrow never happen.

it's been 6 days since you are gone and i miss you so.
not one day went by without me crying myself to sleep, i tried to stop the tears even as im typing now but they just kept falling.

i soaked my pillow at night, i woke up to puffy eyes
i cry in the shower, i cry when i see our picture
i cry because i am not strong

i miss you, mother
even though i know you are in a better place now.
no cancer, no difficulties breathing.
i'll see you again one day.

i love you, mother.

with love,
me

2009-08-03T01:29:00.002+08:00

what will it take to see you back in health again?

what must i do to make you feel better?

what can i say to make the pain go away ?

i cry only when im in the shower, or late at night when everyone else is asleep
because
i need to be strong

为什么眼泪却不够坚強
一直流下

2009-06-09T23:09:00.002+08:00

you are the peace
that guards my heart
my help in times of needs

you are the hope
that leads me on
and brings me to my knees

for there i find You waiting
and there i find release
so with all my heart i'll worship
and unto You i sing

for You alone deserve all glory
for You alone deserve all praise
Father we worship and adore You
Father we long to see Your face

i just came back from the hospital and there she is; lying on the bed
breathing with the help of the oxygen mask
pain grips her like how fear grips my heart

i remembered popo asking for her favourite food just before she passed on
mother asked for tuna today
i watched her intently as she takes each bite
fighting to hold back the tears which were threatening to fall
even as i wiped her mouth for her

i sat down next to her
massaging her hand which had grown enormously large due to water retention
wondering how long more i can do this for her

i need courage to believe
steel of the soul
a backbone christian

by Your stripes, she will be healed.

2009-05-09T01:14:00.002+08:00

okay.
i know it's been eons since i last blogged

tuition, school, work, church and all are occupying the bulk of my time.
haven even got the chance to pop by the library for a long long while

last i heard,
jodi picoult got a new book

went into Harris the other day at GWC during my lunch break at work
smiled at the person who went through a lot to get me the latest Singapore issue of Harper Bazaar
checked out the newest arrivals section
and
SCREAMSSSSSSSSSSS (okay, not literally)
jodi has got a new book !
picked it up, checked the price
and put it back again

ahhhhhh.. what agony.
but it's okay
ive got tons of assignments waiting for me to complete
bible reading, faith, the incredibly thick spirit filled believers
not to forget the many many activities we're planning
plus XXX

sometimes i feel like running, especially when it gets tough and a little draining
then more often that not,
in will come a text message. a random thought. a smiley to bring me back on track again

SOT this week is AWESOME !!!!!!
i cant really find the right words to express how im feeling
but everything's so real
like woah..

no peektures cause im too lazy/busy to upload them
catch them @ facebook or ... i don't know, i can lend you my phone or sth. ((:

alright, ciao !!

YE SHU AI NI.. HEN DUO HEN DUO !! ((:

TLC

2009-02-23T23:21:00.004+08:00

i've been working a lot a lot for these few days
replacing the different ones
worked with cal dear on sat and it was so fun

someone was giving out heart shaped balloons at heeren
and i got my hands on one !
heee..

went over to visit mother just now
took pictures with her with my new phone (YES, i bought a new phone ((: cause mine kept shutting itself down every half an hour)
i must say..
the camera's not very fantastic

i wrote that she will get well soon
pray i can tick that item off my prayer book very soon!

starting school in a month's time
excited yet nervous
cant wait to go there to catch something back
and when school starts
i pray i can tick another item off my prayer book

APRIL !!!!! ((:

brave soldier

2009-02-07T01:26:00.002+08:00

hey YOU..

don't for one second feel ashamed about these scars on your face..
you are just wearing outside what the rest of us wear on the inside

you are beautiful.

2009-02-01T22:31:00.003+08:00

and time sure flew by really fast
in no time, it's feb alr
and really, im pretty sure if i blink a couple of times more
my 21st birthday will be here too ! (crosses fingers)
so im waiting for my latest episode of GG to load
and i decided to pop by here to update a little

anyhow,
lucas had his 21st birthday over at Timbre@Old School
on a sidenote, i honestly think sara of 53A is awesome !!
some peektures of that night !

did i mention that the theme or rather, dress code for the night is MONOCHROME ?!
like it's the 2nd day of CNY and we have to wear white/black/grey for visitations
but these are my favourite colours so really, i dont mind it one bit
however, i did bring along an extra top whereever i go
just in case the choice of colours don't sit really well with my aunts and all

no steamboats for me during this CNY
so i insisted my mom to do it on thursday night
reunion dinner was at Siam Kitchen
no peektures of that except for a pic of mine and michelle's legs wrestling under the table while everyone's eating
which i cant seem to find at the moment

harvest is NOT fantastic this year
a total of 21 ringgit from malacca
how pathetic, i know
but all's good from singapore

had steamboat today with the subzone over at Tian Tian Huo Guo
peektures will be up once Stephen uploaded them

alright. off to watch GG !!
xoxo

crash and burn

2009-01-23T03:24:00.002+08:00

when you feel all alone
and the world has turned its back on you
give Me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
its hard to find relief and people can be so cold
when darkness is upon your door and you feel like you cant take anymore

let Me be the one you call
if you jump I'll break your fall
lift you up and fly away with you into the night
if you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
if you need to crash then crash and burn
you're not alone

when you feel all alone
and a loyal friend is hard to find
you're caught in a one way street
with the monsters in your head
when hopes and dreams are far away and
you feel like you cant face the day

let Me be the one you call
if you jump I'll break your fall
lift you up and fly away with you into the night
if you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
if you need to crash then crash and burn
you're not alone

and there has always been heartache and pain
and when it's over you'll breathe again
you'll breath again

i can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me ((:

step out.

2009-01-21T05:42:00.005+08:00

teehee
it's 6 in the morning and really, i dont know what am i doing up so late

but anyway, had a great meeting and the fellowship with steph and bear was awesome too
laughing at bear while she dances to the elevate song (p.s welcome to the big family!) ((:

ready to crash any moment but i just cant sleep with peace if i dont send the minutes to them

so i just sent it and im all ready to hit the sack !

i must say im glad bug is coming back tomorrow
she's always away for camps and all
i don't see her around at home anymore
it's been awhile since you last cooked for me
so come back soon k?
jie jie misses you a lot a lot !!!!!! ((:

AMBER !! arent you glad im posting about anything and everything under the sun just to get rid of that post? teehee

2009-01-20T00:09:00.004+08:00

okay, so i promised amber i will post many many pictures in order to distract people from the unglam picture of her in the previous post

then i realised..
i dont have that many pictures to post !

anyhow,
been checking up on all the different blogs submitted for boss

and i honestly thought it's gonna be a real mundane and boring thing to do
but really..
i found much joy and i learnt a lot of things through it
okay, not a lot. but i did learnt new things!

Yesterday was a really good day !
My fav girl is back and i met her while queueing up

saw _____ too
teehee !

Word was awesome
as always,
a revelation to me

prayer meeting at Jerb's place after that was really refreshing
presence of God was so strong
and it pretty much left us in tears and on our knees by the end of it

"search my heart" had been my msn nick for a pretty long time
and i've been meaning to change it to something else for awhile
but i just couldn't find any other word that's more appropriate than that
at least not now

search my heart in everything i do
be in for CG, at work or just purely talking to people

what if there's no ministry, no friends, no career, no recognition
will you still love Me ?

i do.

2009-01-14T01:11:00.006+08:00

it was fun fun and more fun for the month of jan !
had our Ed Hardy/Skin Party over at Manchester United Cafe over at Clarke Quay
a crazy time of peektures taking and exchanging of christmas presents

next up was the countdown over at Aranda

i really think this is super funny ! teehee

then EH Party@Zirca

my favourite girl in the world

sandy and goliath !!

fun aside,
we had our first LM for 2009 and it was awesome
a new impartation and word for 09
new wine; new wine skin
behold
i cant wait for our first cell meeting !
so many new ideas, so many new things to do
it will definitely be a year of breakthroughs ((:

lastly,
my very dear manager, Lillian Cher was featured in Asiaone

it's amazing how she can handle so many things
and her house.. goodness.
it's BEAUTIFUL, i tell you
stands out from among the rest
what a honour to have such a creative, talented yet mighty woman of God as my manager

you can find out more over at http://www.plushasia.com/article/1628

disappointed

2009-01-06T02:21:00.000+08:00

i got a book for the first year
then i got nothing
and yet again nothing this year

it just goes to show the importance of me

i don't like it when it falls on a sunday

i don't like it more when you know yet never do anything about it

but it's okay.

now i know.

a new year; a new start

2009-01-03T23:48:00.003+08:00

i cant believe it's 2009 already !
was just filling up the alteration slip for a customer today when i wrote 2008
pause, think, laughed at myself, cancel and wrote 2009 instead

had our leaders retreat over at Aranda Country Club over the new year
it was awesome counting down and basically just hanging out with them
it was definitely nerve wrecking as we have to come up with not 1, not 2 but 4 games within a short span of time
but all's good
glad that everyone enjoyed it
pictures will be up soon, i promise

it was especially tear jerking for me during the first night, the appreciation night whereby we sang the friendship song
and im really very glad that i stayed. despite all the things that i went through, i held on and refused to let go
and as i sat there with my left arm across kai lin and right arm draped over the shoulders of del
i found love and comfort
and i cant say enough how much i adore this life im living now
though not perfect, sometimes even causing me to wake up to wet pillows and swollen eyes but fulfilling. no. strike that. very fulfilling
seeing the lives of many being touched
the love of God enveloping them

was just browsing through my archives and i found this
something i wrote in 2006 when i first left children church ministry and went over to W351

the intensifying feeling of fear
my heart's pounding so fast, can You hear?
i made a decision to step out in faith
keeping in mind there are hundreds to save

im all alone in this maze of life
no one can phantom what's behind those eyes
till His hands reached out, and touched the heart that's broken
i wanted to bring love, like a walking slogan

i tried my best, but still i fall
with a contrite spirit, His name i call
"dont leave me, Father", dont ever let me go
i cried out in pain, in weaknesses and cold

and as i pray, i saw a vision
of me serving Him, with love and passion
how i responded to His call
sacrificed and gave Him my all

there is He standing
am i dreaming or what ?
and the angels are cheering
though i dragged His name through mud

i love You, Father
more than anything in this world
I love you, My daughter
of this I am very sure

with this, i leave you with a acronym that kept me there
HCILJLYTM ?

2008-12-12T01:32:00.001+08:00

2 months

8 weeks

61 days

what will i do without you around?

when the tears wont stop falling
when the heart wont stop aching

VISUALS

2008-12-06T02:12:00.008+08:00

had our first CG outing at stella's house last week
just a fun time of watching movies and fellowshiping together
her house is a palace i tell you
everything is in gold and brown and all the majestic colours you can think of
so anyway.. like the title suggested.
VISUALS !! so im not gonna blog much, not in the mind for it anyway..
so here you go..

if you wondering what this is..
it's popcorn. i know..
hardly looks like it. but really..
and i really gotta bow down to my members.. they can finish not 1, not 2 but 5 packs of stuff like these !!! EEEEEEEEEE.. haha

the one who refused to buy me my favourite M&S cookies.
LAO TAK !!!

the unwilling and the willing one

my prize possession !!!! ((:

the other night, we were all feeling very angry towards our members, so we decided to ________ and sell them to

YES, ren gou gu cha !! teehee

no ! it's Founder's Bak Kut Teh
it was a "hello sandy, want supper? come down NOW !"
and off we zoom to balestier for the very sinful supper at 12.30am !!

little cass's hand compared to mine ! cass's my tuition kid btw. but she's really camera shy, so yup. pic of hand instead..

little nicole and me having a competition to see who can balance that thing (o man.. how do you call that ? catek?) for a longer time. so cute right ? haha. both of us !

leaving you with LION QUEEN !!
cause my hair's so long and i've got no time to cut it
and next.. im RAR-ing cause there's so many things waiting for me to complete..
so.. till then !!

a good friend

2008-12-05T02:32:00.003+08:00

alrighty ! pictures will be up in awhile
sorry it took so long, but was really busy with the various events for the past 1 week !
meetings plus staring at the laptop till the wee hours to get everything right to calling the different people to check everything is done and calling them again to double check things and calling them yet again to remind them to bring the stuff

am REALLLLLLLLLY excited for B.M.W that is happening on sat, technically.. tomorrow
pls pray for very good weather because if not we will be luotangqi/luo soup chicken !!

there were a lot on my mind earlier on and i felt a tug at my heart
okay. You've got my full attention now

fall back on everlasting arms
i love You; more than life itself

and i'd like to end with this statement:

"what cant kill you only makes you stronger"

2008-11-27T03:23:00.002+08:00

GREETINGS FROM MY BESTIE'S PLACE !!!

anyway, im over at iris's house..
yes, at this hour because we just came back not too long ago from supper !!
imagine cheese fries.. maggie goreng.. teh peng.. -drools

i tried uploading some peektures that we took earlier but i just cant seem to find the infra-ed thingy
so some other day then

anyhow, i can foresee a time of crazy wii-ing and sharing and all.

a lot of things happened over a span of two weeks and it got a little over whelming at a point of time.
but i chose to stay happy despite all
and i know the only reason why He is allowing all these to happen is because He knows

He knows that i can handle, He knows i can take it
and i know im not alone while going through all these

quoting bestie " i felt peace"

((:

2008-11-16T00:40:00.001+08:00

blah.

2008-11-14T23:54:00.003+08:00

yup. you saw it right.
BLAH.

the fever that i mentioned earlier escalated in the night
and i ended up with a 39.5degree fever
which pretty much left me a wreck because i was shivering even though i had two huge, not to mention, thick comforters covering me and the air con was off, the fan was facing the ceiling
i fell asleep at 10pm after an early release from work
woke up at 1am.. 3am.. 4.15am.. 7am..
i was out of my bed by 8.30am and literally have to drag my mom to bring me to the doctor
and i have to take all these pills

not a lot actually but my mom was nice enough to cut them up into tiny pieces just so i will eat them
now, don't start shaking your head and tsk-ing at me
the pills are really big alright?

but anyway..
even after consuming all those pills and half a gallon of water
the fever was still around
it was fluctuating between 37.8 and 39.2 degrees
and trust me.. i felt terrible.
my body was aching, i wouldn't stop sneezing and my head.. ARG
my head felt like there were a thousand nails being pounded into it whenever i cough
which is pretty much all the time.

but..
all's good cept for the nagging cough and the blocked nose
and yes, i still haven't stop sneezing yet
it will be gone.. SOON !!!

alright. i just finished that box of med you saw earlier on
and the drugs' taking effect and my eyes are feeling heavy yet again

BLING Part 2 tomorrow and Loga's hosting !!!!
Cant wait !!!
more pictures to be up !!
Stay Tune !

okay.

2008-11-12T02:17:00.004+08:00

we had our very own Bling event last saturday and it was awesome
from the makeover to the quiz to the different performances that we had.
peektures will be up once i get everything from Jing.

we finally took our very first CG photo(without nic and anna cause they couldn't make it.)
many more chances to do that though.

had our subzone meeting today and really.. the presence of God was really strong and we cant help but fall on our knees while singing "A Pure Heart"
a heart not to please man, not to please our leaders, but to please the only One who matters - God.
and once again, it's back to searching my heart

haha. okay. i know im not making a lot of sense
pardon me, it's nearly 3 in the morning and im feeling slightly nauseous, down with fever, horrible muscle aches and this nasty cough
but all's good.
-edited-
i just check up on gastric flu and look at this !
Symptoms usually include nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, and abdominal cramps. Headache, muscle aches, and a general sense of tiredness are also fairly common. Low-grade fever is present in about half of cases.
no wonder im feeling tired all the time. HAHA
i slept at 3 last night, woke up at 3pm. slept at 5pm and woke up at 6.
and im feeling tired now..
ARG. i hate to feel sick.. especially so when so many things are coming up !
go go go.. be gone !!!!

cant wait for CG meeting and Bling Part 2 !!

spoke to the members today and really, i feel very blessed to be in this cell group, knowing that i have so many people running the race together with me.
and when we were praying together just now, woah.. i can just see us inching towards our goal, our vision.
new as we may be, small as we may be, but we are STRONG and MIGHTY on the inside.
18-20... HERE WE COME !!!! ((:

I LOVE N450 !!!!!!

teehee. Ed Hardy's new series of tops.

last but not least..
do check out our very own ET Website !!!
with the latest news/videos/jokes and many many more..
do stay tune for our fashion corner and also articles on the latest happenings !!
www.etzone.org

changes.

2008-10-27T23:58:00.008+08:00

wow. time really flies..
it's nearing the end of October and Nov definitely spells a month full of exciting events and major changes for myself !
Of course, i can foresee myself doing more and taking one step closer to my dream (:

this is gonna be a long entry, so beware !

okay. friday was officially my last day of CG in E99
the boys plus see wan and yvonne were really sweet to compose a song, sang it and presented a HUGE card and flowers to me.
i must say, it was a bittersweet feeling for me
having to leave my two most precious boys behind
yes, yao zong and ken, my two little BS boys
and the St Hilda's guys who never failed to suan me about my height but nonetheless brought much much joy to my life
and of course, Mr Sue who fight many battles with me (like literally) but really someone i know who loves the people a lot a lot

when Glad and Wilson shared their speech, all i was trying to do was not to let the tears fall
you know, they shared about how i brought joy to their life, how i was there to encourage them and all, how they learned stuff from me
but the truth is..
i was the one who learned a lot from them
it was definitely a privilege for me to serve them and Jerb in E99
laughs
like what Jerb said.. i wont be very far from you guys because we will still be fellowshiping together and all

met my new members on sunday
Jerb called us the chilli padis, small but mighty
believing that even as we start with 13, we will grow to 20, 25, 30.. 40 and many many more !

and i realized there are so many things to do !
the contact list, the CGCs, the different ICs for the different things
okay, i must admit God was indeed very nice to me in the past, i never had to worry about W351 because steph already did everything for me, or E99 either because suting was around
so woah.. really gotta learn and step out !
greater capacity and wisdom. ((:

okay. so the other day i was just worshiping and doing my quiet time
and i was like.. God, i need a new word/confirmation from you
if you have been following my blog for some time, you would have read this entry called the Mary's miracle
about how God spoke to me about not giving up despite the many valleys i have to go through and maybe, i lost the miracle, but like how Mary found Jesus after losing him in the temple, i will find mine again
and about how God spoke to me regarding my call through Genesis
how He will never leave me until He had finished what He had called me to do
those were awesome and it was because of them that i kept on going
but i wanted more.. i wanted something new

so i told God that i want fresh revelation from Him
and He...

kept quiet.
haha

so anyhow, i finished doing my QT and went to bed.
the next day, i slept over at dear's house (peektures later!)
and i was just reading my bible on her bed the following morning
when a small still voice spoke and said..
din i just spoke to you and it came back to me
of how He was there the other night when i was doing my QT and HE gave this verse to me
1 Corinthians 2:9

But as it is written:

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

how can i even forget that ?!
i even blogged about it !
but nonetheless, the presence of God came and it was so strong

so my point is..
God is so so so so real
and He knows exactly what im going through, or rather.. when i need that spiritual booster

just the other day,
we had our Skin prayer meeting at Lillian's house
and it was awesome
as there werent many people, Lillian laid hands on each and single one of us and spoke a word into our life
and my oh my, i tell you
the word is so timely

and iris who was sitting next to me said the presence of God was so strong when lillian laid hands on me that she herself was trembling
so really..

i strongly believe that God knows EVERYTHNG that we are going through
and many a time, if only you would choose to spend time with Him or listen to Him
He will really bring a word of encouragement or what i mentioned, a spiritual booster to you at the right time.
(:

okay. peektures !

dear and uncle Jon !!

met up Jon for breakfast before heading to WH to help sort out the different goods

me and A bear !! teehee

project V.A ! cant wait for it to be shown during Bling !

some pics during work..

the two of them decided it will be REALLLLLY fun to scare me while i was on the phone in the store room
okay. i really got a shock
but its..
ARG !!!
haha.

i just received the steamboat peektures from Shin
will post it up on my next post

okay, back to the battlefields..
looking forward to this sat's first CG
it actually feels weird going back having CG on sat
but really..
I CANT WAIT !!!!!!

blessed.

2008-10-25T02:08:00.002+08:00

more on it tmr.
im off to bed !

Hello world..
watch out for ME !

2008-10-23T03:02:00.000+08:00

i want to be stronger

i have to be stronger.

PEEKTURESSSSSSS

2008-10-11T01:20:00.008+08:00

Plenty of pictures..
from our BBQ to work to family to today's CG to basically everything that happened throughout the month of september.

im one step closer. ((:

risie dear was really sweet to give me mr pocky and golden nuggets !
haha. was really surprised when i opened my bag and found this. ((:

our very own Skin Couture, Jonathan Chaplin !

i hope xuan is not reading my blog nowwwwww...

Cell Group was at Jerb's house for the first time today
we had toooooo much food so we had to resort to playing number game to finish it all up
check out the individuals' faces as they finished up their forfeit ! (which is pretty disgusting if you ask me, think.. vanilla ice cream + curry and hot dog, YUCKS!)

leaving you with a picture of Jerb... playing Wiiiiiiiiii

Greater things have yet to come
i am really excited !!
Part of me wants to jump up and down and SCREAMMMMMM
but i cant because firstly, i lost my voice
secondly, if i jump up and down now, my neighbour will probably come knocking on my door
but anyhow, i am REALLLLLLLLLLY excited
for what, i do not know
but what i do know is..
GREATER THINGS ARE STILL TO BE DONE ((:

and so i have some spare time on hand

2008-09-21T23:03:00.004+08:00

hit myself against the chair over at JW on monday and look what happened !

Monday Night

Wednesday

Friday

it's scary how a little knock will result in a bruise this size !

and thanks to all who prayed for my aunt aka mother.
she's discharged from hospital on friday ! PTL ! ((:

2008-09-19T01:14:00.004+08:00

我今天去了医院
到了那里
只看见 Mother 躺在床
有很多管子在她的手上
这是我的第一次不知道要怎样做
怎样帮助她减少痛苦

i remember her holding my hands when we were alone in the room
and she said..
到了教堂,要记住帮 Mother 祈祷
让 Mother 快快好起来

with that,
i went home and prayed with all my might
it was 4am, yet when i prayed, it felt like God was just next to me

and the best thing that happened?
my god ma was transferred to a normal ward this morning

i believe in the power of prayers
"by His stripes, my mother will be healed!"

mother, 我怕您不会读英语
所以我翻译成中文

愿望下次我能读给您听

2008-09-12T00:28:00.008+08:00

okay. so i haven blogged for about 1 month
but nonetheless,
it was a chop-chop month for me
time passes real fast when you are busy with stuff everyday
from work to different outreaches to the many farewells to the boys turning into men
teehee

anyhow..
sunday was spent with the clique at timbre to send mr lucas chia off to being a police ! how blessed is that man.

shing.. you gotta be careful. look at how david is staring at jiahao !

and like what shing said..
you can calllllll lucas at 9XXXXXX5 (i'll be nice and give you 1 extra digit)

okay. pictures aside.

you know..
i was just listening to an old song which my friend sent to me some time back.
i didnt really took notice of the lyrics till today

it says..
Oh Lord You've searched me,
You know my way

sounds simple right?

but it's so true.
search my heart, God

i check up the meaning of search
and it says
"to look at or beneath the superficial aspects of to discover a motive, reaction, feeling, basic truth"

i really feel that in whatever that we do, we ought to have the right motive/attitude.
maybe it was today's conversation with Jon and Iris that made me a little heavy hearted in a good way
we talked about expectation management, right motivation and more
and i pray that i will have the right attitude and motivation for everything that i do
you know how sometimes you start to get into a routine and it becomes like a chore rather than joy because things are not happening the way you want them to?
and you start doing things because you have to, not because you want/love to?

then you gotta start going back to your first love,
the ultimate reason why we doing all these.
not for own glory, not for fame nor status.
but just to please the heart of the only One who matters.

so come..
search my heart
and make me strong

and one day,
i will stand before the Lord
and know i had done my best.

2008-08-15T00:07:00.003+08:00

and so i was down with a bout of cold and bad bad bad runny nose.

was at home for the whole day today, a pity i missed the morning prayer meeting
but i was burning up pretty badly that my mom made me stay at home

nonetheless, it was good time spent alone as my mom went on a cruise and my sister to somewhere. haa

i read a book today, one which i've read cover to cover at least 3 times.
i love reading, if you dont already know.
i also ran 20 rounds around my house today! kudos to someone who dont really exercise much !

but what was most fruitful was spending time praying and dwelling in His presence.

will share more about that later.
but anyway..
i think i used to be a very impatient person, at least i hope i am not now !
but i hate waiting for the light to turn green before i can cross the road
i hate seeing 5mins light up on the screen while waiting for the train
i used to "cut lanes" whenever i walked behind an elderly or a pregnant lady
i'd find excuses to hang up a call as soon as i can with a "take care! i'll see you soon!"
but soon never seems to come around.

anyway..
things started to change.
i cannot walk past an elderly with a heavy bag without helping him or her to carry it
i find it difficult to just end a call with someone knowing that i haven said what i should
most importantly..
i learned that the presence of God needs a little of waiting upon
the bible tells us to tarry in His presence
to spend a little more time than you intended to

and that was exactly what i did today.
i tarried in His presence and it felt AWESOME !!!!!!!!

take me deeper,
deeper in love with You
Jesus, hold me close in Your embrace
take me deeper
deeper than i've ever been before
i just want to love You more and more
how i long to be deeper in love

it was just so simple
no gimmicks needed
no chim words to impress Him

just a simple..
God.. take me deeper
i do not want to be ankle deep, or knee deep, or waist deep..
but i want to swim in your presence
every single day

and BAM
the presence of God came and i spent the next hour weeping and praying
and really.. it's THAT easy.
you should try it someday.

anyhow, i got a verse after that and once again, it never fails to revive the dead dreams, the weak spirit..
you know faith like energy will leak out of us sometimes.. that's why it's so important for us to get recharge by God everyday !

1 Corinthians 2:9

But as it is written:

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

i wanta blog something that's close to my heart.
something that will probably cause mixed reactions
but next post, maybe..
haha.
the medication's kicking in and my eyelids are feeling really heavy now

but..
i just wanta say.
YOU ! WAKE UP !!!!!!
dont just do it out of convenience
when will you really learn to love Him?
okay. ranting's over.
im gonna go rant to risie now.
laughs.

if You can use anything..
God, You can use me

2008-08-05T00:13:00.006+08:00

i know, its been some time.

i've been busy. and really.. busy is just an understatement.
reports, presentation, work, CG have been taking up the bulk of my time
and its good.
because like a typical singaporean,
it actually feels weird if you are not doing some thing.

and it's one of those weird moments whereby i'd enough of reports and powerpoint slides and i decided to pop by and jot something down before one more person come and ask me to update. =P

Action is eloquence. - William Shakespeare

okay. a series of pictures to let you on my week or rather.. weeks. haa

went to visit mother at her house
looks like she's getting better and better day by day
and really.. can you tell where i got all my silly facial expressions from?

next on was the birthday surprise for JASMINE !
it was reallllly good okay, cept for the fact that i arrived really late due to work
and thanks to you know who you are for sharing that burden with me. (:

it was even better when i received that sms from HER the day after
lots of people have been telling me that people's opinions dont matter a lot, just so long you please God, everything's fine.
but i beg to differ to a certain extent of course.
wont it better to be able to please God yet at the same time,
create a good impression on people, no?
anyway.. i thought it was good and it felt good to have someone recognize the effort/time put in.
like what Jerb always say..
it's always the heart that matter and the motive behind everything that you do

we were suppose to go shopping for stuff after leader's fellowship on tuesday
but alas, carrefour's closed and we have to turn back
can you tell how disappointed Nathan is?..
okay, maybe not. laughs.

last but not least..
we(ris, ling and me) went to catch Money No Enough 2 on sat after closing
it was an last minute decision but it was fun !
no pictures of us
only one picture which ris forced me to take

anyway..
can i say

i really think God is good.

i thank God for speaking to me through people and His Word
i thank God that when im coughing myself crazy in the storeroom, ling went to get a cup of hot water from Starbucks for me
i thank God for Risie who bought at least 3 packets of lozenges for me
i thank God for that bottle of honey which wil bought for me
i thank God for wisdom and strength.

ask, and you shall receive it.

i aint no supergirl.

2008-07-27T00:50:00.002+08:00

God, i need wisdom.

darkness may come, trials seem so long
You are the light i depend on
through valleys and storms
Your word keeps me strong

i will trust in You

2008-07-20T22:41:00.002+08:00

i just gotta blog this.
jon's angry cause i haven been blogging since forever..

anyway
just had my subzone event and it was great.
taxing, tiring, a little disappointed but great
saw how the members rose up
and french fries.. SECOND uh ?! ((:
but it would have been better if some F turned up
but like what ris and my dear mr yao zong said...

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING MORE THAN THIS.

and im clinging on to that.

a poem which impacted me a lot this week.

this was something that i wrote about a year back
and it was about how i want to run a three legged race with God
you know those races during sports day whereby one of yours and your partner's feet were tied together and it seemed like there were only 3 legs instead of 4 ?
that's exactly how i want to run with God
sticking by Him
running with Him

falling down and picking ourselves up together

during this week, God used this poem to speak to me
on tuesday, when bro ed laid hands
i felt God saying..
with you, I'll run the three-legged race

not much of a big deal right ?
wait till you see my poem below.

anyway.
i am never giving up. NEVER

no one knows, i hope you care
deep down the troubles with no one to share
beyond that smile, beyond that grin
look into those eyes and see what's deep within

this pair of hands is losing grip
im so afraid that i will slip
hold me dear, and hold me tight
tell me we will win this fight

this pair of eyes is losing sight
no reassurance that it's alright
You've kept quiet for far too long
but still i'll sing You my love song

with You, i know it's alright
with You, i know im in no plight
guide me through this valley, God
tell me my house is built on rock

with You by me i will not sway
i promise i'll walk with You everyday
sometimes it seems like there's no end
but i know, Lord, im in safe hands

and when i feel like giving up
i'll lift everything up in a cup
so God i pray, please dont let go
cause, remember, i love You so

and though it seems i walk by myself
and sometimes i really do feel like a elf
everyone's so fast, im at a slow pace
with You, i'll run, the three legged race.

2008-07-10T00:41:00.002+08:00

i run away when I get scared
i find a place where no ones there
and i cry

my shame it comes its like a glove
it leaves me enough to choke
and im stranded

when i fall down
You pick me up
You wipe my eyes
and say its alright

Hes the one that knows
the place i go
He never fails to let me know
im forgiven

He sees the good in you and me
He throws our sins into the sea
they're forgotten
they're forgotten

and no matter where you go
no matter what you know
no matter who you are
no matter what you thought
its forgiven

and no matter what you say
no matter time of day
no matter how you look
no matter what you took
its forgotten

how does it feel like..
to be forgotten?

im a bu dao weng

2008-06-22T22:52:00.006+08:00

time really flies

i know its been awhile since i last blogged
was pretty busy with church, school, work and camp for the past one month.
im glad im left with one last month of attachment
its no fun having a schedule like this

Monday, Wednesday & Thursday
8.30 to 5pm - attachment
6 to closing - Skin

Tuesday
8.30 to 5pm - attachment
7.30 to late - meeting

Friday
8.30 to 5pm - attachment
7.30 to late - CG

Sat
12.30 to closing - Skin

Sunday
8am to late - CHURCH

ive been sleeping at almost 3 and waking up at 7 almost everyday for the past few months
but yet, it was the most fruitful 5months i ever had
i must say,
i couldnt have done it without my Best Friend, my Helper, my Lord
so to God be the glory !

plenty of updates to make up for the past one month!

the most important (IMO and in many others too!) event of the month

JERB GOT MARRIED TO JARED !!
mrs lim she shall be called.

it was the long awaited J&J wedding and im really really glad for her! (:

next up was Camp Phenomena; STEP UP !

okay. to be honest, it wasnt exactly the camp that touches
it was more of the planning, scolding and learning process
that really taught me a lot.
Of course, not forgetting the night whereby we had a session in the AVA room
and God's presence was so tangible, you cant help but stand in awe of Him.

once again, i was very privileged to be in the planning committee
and being in charge of a few things
i wouldnt dare say that i did great
but i felt that i really learnt a lot through all these meetings
will never forget the call from Steph, which left me pretty much a wreck in Skin storeroom
or Risie dear praying for me in the small dark alley by the bus stop
or the long talks with Jin Lian
or just a simple text from Stranger or Rubbish Bin

it was definitely a trying period for me
especially so for that night which i went to Boss's house for the camp booklet
with so many things on hand,
i got slightly bruised and broken

but it was also the camp which taught me many stuff that i will never get to learn elsewhere and also allowed me to experience a God so true
that He's not only there through the good days
but so much for so when you are in the downs
and i really treasure the fact that they trust me enough to do those stuff
and if i have to do the same things for camp again
i will definitely do it better !

to view the video, head on to www.shingology.blogspot.com

Also,
we celebrated Edmund's birthday during tuesday meeting
and you really have to pop by Shing's blog for more details
i was distracted half the time because the candle refused to keep still and it kept dropping
and wait till i get the video from Jin Lian
the video makes me feel like a paparazzi for a day
how we ran and stalked and surprised Jia Hui in the car

or how we went to boss house in the middle of the night to sing a song for him

that's all for the month of June
many more stuff coming up

the Sentosa Trip in July, the ending of my attachment and more!
leaving you with a picture that will definitely boost my viewership
HAHA.

2008-05-30T01:42:00.002+08:00

God, i need You.

enlarge
wisdom
guidance

a word of encouragement
a pat on the back

no recognition needed

today i let go
it feels good to snuggle in You again

those big arms that come around me
pulling me into Your embrace

slightly bruised and broken.

that was enough

2008-05-06T22:52:00.003+08:00

haha.
jo commented that i haven been blogging since april 19, so here i am..

week or rather the month of April had been rather eventful for me..
the most significant one would be going back to LM, definitely something that i will never let go of again.

Tuesday with Pastor Derek was really great
you know, the kind of feeling whereby you just put aside your ministry, work, school, everything and just focus on nothing but God is wonderful
and like what people always say..
one touch from God and our lives will never be the same again

the night i walked out of the hall feeling surreal and definitely very very privileged (laughs. pardon me, but i really thought God must be a REALLY forgiving God to put me back in again)

but of course, life's not a bed of roses
and many things did happen throughout the month
stuff that i would rather not elaborate
but nonetheless, made me see a side of things that i had never seen
made me realised that there are indeed many who cares about me even though i do not know it
and really.. to never never take anything i have now for granted.

anyhow, i just received a mail from my uncle which i thought was really nice..
left me tearing at the end of the presentation
because it just brought me back to the night of LM
whereby we were all laughing and crying under the power of God
and that audible voice that never fails to bring assurance to me
those few words that brought me back to those nights whereby i was just playing my guitar and praying and You were there.

i miss You.

anyhow..
here it goes,

when i say, "i cant solve this,"
You said, "I will direct your paths." - Proverbs 3 : 5-6

when i say, "i feel alone,"
You said, "never will I leave you nor forsake you." - Hebrews 13 : 5

when i say, "i am afraid,"
You said, "fear not, for I am with you." - Isaiah 41 : 10

when i say, "i am tired,"
You said, "come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11 : 28

God is LOVE.

and if you want to know more of God's promises to us..

read the bible.

HAHAH.

frustrated.

2008-04-19T23:19:00.005+08:00

you know, i have every reason to be like the above picture

it was a horrible day yesterday.
i.blew.forty.bucks.on.cabs.alone.yesterday.

yes, you heard me right. forty bucks.
in fact, my last forty bucks
from Concourse to Braddell to Bishan back to Braddell and back to Concourse again

to cut a long story short,
it was plainly just miscommunication and sillyness on my part.

supposed to leave work at 12, but in the end, i had to stay till 5.
cabbed home during lunch hour to take my stuff, only to realise that i left my keys back at home. cabbed to look for bug yee to get keys from her, then back home again and back to office.

an office which was deserted because everyone had left early for our company's dinner and dance, which i was supposed to do so too if not for this colleague of mine.

if i can sum my day up with just a word, it will be "horrendous"

anyway, took a bus down to Tamp for CG
i dont know if you had ever felt like this before.
but i was sitting alone at the front of the bus, and you know everytime before you cry,
there seems to be a stone stuck at your throat and no matter how hard you try to swallow, it just wouldnt go down ?
and no matter how many times i repeat jia yous, sandy, you can do it, aza aza fighting, im a fighter to myself, the tears just kept threatening to fall.

i feel like a bottle of gas, ready to pop anytime.
the accumulated stress, pressure, lack of sleep, tiredness were definitely taking a toil on me.

but God is good !
and i believe all things work together for the good of God.

He din say a lot to me during the bus journey, in fact, He din speak at all.

but during worship in CG,
all i heard was just..
"I know"

and thats all i need.

for every one reason the world gives you to frown,
God gives you ten reasons to smile.

i am a fighter ! (:

wooohoooooo

2008-04-13T00:30:00.003+08:00

i finally put my Times voucher to use. (:
bought two new books which cost up to almost 60bucks
but oh well..
i love reading.
like really really love
i always thought the best place for a date/chilling spot/destress area would be at the library
heehee

i think one would be bored till death especially YOU, bernice.

and i was telling desmond that when i was younger, some ten years back, i was in BOOKWORM CLUB.
and i LOVE it !!!!

haha.
smarty, lornie, sam seng (or something similar) were my friends
kept me accompany through my growing up days

anyhows,
i love jodi picoult
her books make me think a lot
you know, about life, relationship.. religion even.

a short synopsis of her latest book, which is also the newest addition to my collection

Shay Bourne - New Hampshire’s first death row prisoner in 69 years – has only one last request: to donate his heart post-execution to the sister of his victim, who is looking for a transplant. Bourne says it’s the only way he can redeem himself…but with lethal injection as his form of execution, this is medically impossible. Enter Father Michael Wright, a young local priest. Called in as Shay’s spiritual advisor, he knows redemption has nothing to do with organ donation – and plans to convince Bourne. But then Bourne begins to perform miracles at the prison that are witnessed by officers, fellow inmates, and even Father Michael – and the media begins to call him a messiah. Could an unkempt, bipolar, convicted murderer be a savior? It seems highly unlikely, to the priest. Until he realizes that the things Shay says may not come from the Bible…but are, verbatim, from a gospel that the early Christian church rejected two thousand years ago…and that is still considered heresy.

Change Of Heart looks at the nature of organized religion and belief, and takes the reader behind the closely drawn curtains of America’s death penalty. Featuring the return of Ian Fletcher from Keeping Faith, it also asks whether religion and politics truly are separate in this country, or inextricably tangled. Does religion make us more tolerant, or less? Do we believe what we do because it’s right? Or because it’s too frightening to admit that we may not have the answers?

if you're really interested to know more about this book,
you can number 1 : borrow the book from me or number 2 : visit her site @ http://jodipicoult.com/change-of-heart.html

another one that i adore is
My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult too

Anna is not sick, but she might as well be. By age thirteen, she has undergone countless surgeries, transfusions, and shots so that her older sister, Kate, can somehow fight the leukemia that has plagued her since childhood. The product of preimplantation genetic diagnosis, Anna was conceived as a bone marrow match for Kate - a life and a role that she has never questioned… until now. Like most teenagers, Anna is beginning to question who she truly is. But unlike most teenagers, she has always been defined in terms of her sister - and so Anna makes a decision that for most would be unthinkable… a decision that will tear her family apart and have perhaps fatal consequences for the sister she loves. My Sister's Keeper examines what it means to be a good parent, a good sister, a good person. Is it morally correct to do whatever it takes to save a child's life… even if that means infringing upon the rights of another? Is it worth trying to discover who you really are, if that quest makes you like yourself less?

okay. i know by now, most of you who hate reading would probably had X this page away. but really, reading is good for you ! so cultivate this good habit RIGHT NOW by reading my blog ! MUAHAHA.

alright, off to read my new book ! (:

i remember

2008-04-06T01:58:00.003+08:00

some love from BUG YEE !

yea, laugh all you want. =/

okay. i know.. update my blog.
it's 2.20am and i need to go for service later, paya lebar for study group and to GWC for stocktake
and come monday, its back to the battlefield whereby i'll fight with the different departments for the next 5 days

its been a grueling one month for me
not unlike running a marathon that never seems to end and often left me gasping for air at the end of the day, much less the week

but God is good
He gave me wonderful colleagues both at Panasonic and Skin
He gave me strength to continue fighting even when i want to give up

you know, sometimes its really when you are at your breaking point
that you will see God move the most

anyhows, cell group was awesome
the sacrifice of praise, the presence of God
i got my answer yesterday.
it's not about what you do, who you are doing for, how hard you are trying
but really about your relationship with God

i've got a lot a lot more things to blog about
but..
time check
2.50am
i really need to go
so.. till then !

deep breath
chin up
up straight
stare the world in your face
and smile.

nothing could be easier, right?

psalm 61
From the ends of the earth
I will cry to You.
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is
Higher than I.

you can count on Me

ignition.

2008-03-23T02:38:00.002+08:00

i started this entry with the intention to blog about my attachment and work and the many many stuff that happened throughout the weeks.

but as the song came on,
the tears cant help but kept falling.

if i could do something to make the world feels better, i will do it.

but i cant.

its frustrating when there are so many things to do yet you dont have the time to
its exasperating when you want to make things happen, but you dont know how to go about doing it
its hurting when you see the disappointment on your loved ones faces
its painful when they dont really know how you are feeling on the inside

i am sorry.

i want to stay here with You

2008-03-16T01:09:00.003+08:00

it's 1.30am, there's service later and i really ought to be sleeping

it's 2am now and i've deleted every single thing i wrote
because i dont have anything good to write about

haha. okay. i promise something good will come up soon

meanwhile.. leaving you with my family shot.

it's been a year, popo.

picture feast.

2008-02-29T00:54:00.008+08:00

back to my CNY (kinda outdated i know) just bear with me for awhile

my granny's house at Malaysia
where i woke up not to birds chirping, or my mom's screaming but to fireworks
yes. i have absolutely no idea how they do it
the children can play till almost 2am and get up at 7am to continue playing.
amazing uh ?

and while the rest of the estate is celebrating, mine and our neighbour's houses are the ones without any lightings or you know, the CNY mood
except for this pretty pretty chandelier which i've NEVER noticed for the past two years

bug yee and michelle

if you must know what's up with that silly looking plaster on my face is because...
i went for my eyebrow trimming on CNY eve
and the shop i always go to is closed thus i had to go to this ulu looking shop
and to cut a long story short
she accidently cut my skin which resulted in continuous bleeding
i cant find any other plasters at home.. so yea..

can you tell that bug yee and auntie are reallllllly tired ? they fell asleep while watching tv.

birdie came to look for me during work !

can you spot me ?.. (:

had basketball match against Steph's CG on sunday and it was fun !

had work today and i found this vest which i LOVE a lot a lot !!!!

note to self : pile it up, pile it up.

alright, hope it's enough to last you for a few weeks
laughs.
starting attachment soon..
which is going to be a really hectic 6months for me
attachment, work, CG, family.
i can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me !

peektures !!

2008-02-19T00:10:00.003+08:00

okay. its been awhile since i last updated and ive got truckloads of images to upload.
from CNY alllllll the way to V day.

getting ready to set off for malaysia..

michelle brought along her portable DVD player so we watched Narnia throughout the whole trip

michelle and me !

okay. michelle's the one who took this picture.

my cousin !

okay. ive got like more photos but blogger's cranking up and refusing to allow me upload the photos.

anyhows, got work tomorrow, doing opening !!!!
oh yes, deb chan, i know you are reading this
really enjoyed myself while working with you today.
seen the unglam side of you.. laughs !!!

bye !

tenacity.

2008-02-04T23:51:00.000+08:00

service on sunday was incredible.
was telling kai lin and bernice that it feels like we are back to our "SOTM" days
whereby the messages are really close to your heart and life changing at the same time

and im really glad i endured through everything that came my way and will be enduring through those that are coming.
i must say, it's not as easy as it sounds
but really, things become a lot more easier when you tell yourself, this valley will not go on forever
and i remember someone telling me that the only way out of a valley is to
keep on walking.

the very small prayer meeting after service was equally fantastic
where we really pray for every single member in our cell group and believe that we will have a breakthrough, and the presence was so strong that i couldnt help but wept

like what Jerb said,
maybe we dont see immediate results
but we are sowing seeds of prayer in their life and someday, we will see it

anyhow, im gonna go sleep early
doing opening tomorrow for the first time !
if you must know, i made it through my first actual day of work
it was fun and i made some sales, but more than that, its the exposure that im extremely pleased with ! (:

with love, from me.

2008-01-30T02:38:00.000+08:00

you know, i was at a loss when i heard
you cried over the phone because of your results

i dont know how to react when i have friends coming up to me
and telling me that they saw you smoking

or when you are filling up the different applications
to the schools you wanted and i wasnt there with you

or how about the night you got back your results
and you din come home until the wee hours

and if i really look at the wall full of your pictures,
i will realise that there's only one picture of us
and that was taken like.. 15years ago?

and if i look at mine, i would have realised there is
none of you

oh, how i would rave and tell others about how good you are
cooking my meals, buying me stuff, calling me back all the way from Cambodia to wish me happy birthday
or just being there whenever mommy's sickness acts up again

and as i sit in the room next to yours
typing this as tears cant help but fall

i am glad to have you as my sister
"bug yee" and all to me

love you.

-

2008-01-28T00:50:00.000+08:00

thursday was spent waiting with the boys outside their school for their long awaited O Levels results
really glad to see them walking out of their school smiling from face to face
Praise God for the unexpected results for the boys
and for the equally unexpected call from someone today
which made me very excited yet nervous at the same time

anyhows,
we went to play tennis at Gladwin's house after that
din managed to take any pictures except for this

went to Marina Square's Seoul Garden to have dinner after that
okay, the boys were nice enough to accompany me alllllll the way to MS when they could have had it at TM instead.

okay. the reason why i made them go all the way to MS is because..
im going for an interview!

pretty nerve wrecking for me because
1. i was wearing SLIPPERS !
2. i din have any make up on !

well, like what i said earlier. it was an unexpected call
i was already out AND dressed for TENNIS !

but anyhows,
bernice was really nice to accompany me through the whole period
from searching of shoes to working up our courage to ask the Body Shop people

so..
am very very glad to annouce that ive gotten myself a part time position in Skin/Ed Hardy ! (: (: (: (: (: (: (:

many many thanks to the boys who waited till 10 plus, to bird who went in with me, waited for me, basically, everything that you've done..
not forgetting Ms Pepper Lunch who intro-ed the job to me !! (you know who you are, i just texted you ! YOU CAN DO IT !)

starting officially in Feb and i must say..
I AM SOOOOOOOOO NERVOUS YET EXCITED !!

so till then..
i'll leave you with something i found while at Wei Qiang's house

happy happpppy sunday

2008-01-22T00:09:00.000+08:00

service on sunday was incredible
even though i was battling with the snooze monster throughout due to work on Sat

was working till 2am which resulted in me having a super mighty headache, fever plus sore throat

but it was great because i took the train to church on a sunday morning for the first time since we moved to expo ! (:

we went to tampines for lunch and off we went to the park to soak up the sun and have some fun. laughs. anyhows, i'll let the pictures do the talking...

it's a bird.. it's superman.. okay, it's just a kite.

and these are the ones manning it.. just look at bernice. HAHA

the owner of the kite who was kind enough to let me take a picture of him

and Joel and Ke Gin started to teach me how to strike nice poses with the soccer ball
which was considered a huge feat to me, i took like 10mins to do the foot pose.

and while the boys were having a match against Lucas's CG, the rest of them were busy striking poses (cue, wendy) or chatting on phone

just of them were busy fighting with each other or..
torturing Gladwin..

after which, me and bird left for Ministry of Food at Bugis to celebrate Jin Lian's birthday.. more pictures to be up after i get them from Si Ying !

a healthy looking lobster after a day at Tampines Park

power packed year

2008-01-19T13:29:00.000+08:00

and so it was one of those days whereby the cell group message really touched your heart and you cant wait to get home to really spend some time alone to pray and think over it.

like what i said in my last entry, DVDs and drama serials take up pretty much of my time which resulted in me being really slack and all.
friday's cell + jerb's call were definitely wake up calls for me

and so i told myself and God, of course.
"i will NOT leave till i sense a breakthrough"

you know i dont exactly know the meaning of tarrying in His presence till that night itself. 15mins feels like an hour for me, but im glad i made it through. those few hours spent with Him was one of the best i could ever get.
new dreams and visions for year 2008 came pouring down

and if you must know, i left my room feeling broken (in a good way) and refreshed at the same time. knowing that i must first empty myself of ME and fill myself with HIM in order to do greater things and have a greater capacity.

last night's cell group was amazing for me, i dont know about the rest but the words that Jerb said kept ringing in my head long after cell group had ended.
"things of this world which you can see, will eventually pass away, but its the things you cannot see, that are eternal"

and i think it's very true. a wealthy man can never bring his riches along with him when he die, a scholar will never have his certificates with him when he pass on, but the legacy you leave behind will continue long after you pass away.

of course, it's important to study, it's good to have that extra money to bless others or to pamper yourself a little. im just saying, what is your focus? which is your priority?
im shifting my focus today, how about you?

on a lighter note,
i watched body #19 with the boys and swee min after cell group yesterday.
okay, i must admit. i wasted 4bucks because my eyes were closed half the time
so when they were discussing about the ugly looking female ghost and Dr Suthee and whoever after the show, i was pretty lost. but what i do know is the plot is bad, no, strike that. its lousy. so yes, if you're planning to catch a movie, body #19 is definitely something you dont want to waste your money on.

i would love to blog more
but my dad's bugging me to go eat with him
so till then..
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, MISS LIANNNN
and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LUCAS !!!

my first week of 08 in clicks

2008-01-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

michelle came over and we played with all the doll house and polly pockets that i used to play with when i was younger.. much much younger.

popped over to tim's crib to get my grey anatomy's season FOUR plus many many other stuff like gossip girl, pushing dasies! that alone kept me occupied for two days.

marina square with the cell group after service
and.. i think im getting oldddd
i got tired after one round of walking around MS
gosh! last year of me being nineTEEN, better make full use of it

reliving the young in meeeee

GOODNIGHT !!

2008-01-02T17:41:00.000+08:00

I must say,

2007 was definitely a year of challenge for me. Be it ministry, church, family or school. You know how they often say its not the destination but the journey that matters. 2007 is one journey that I will never forget.

It’s the year I learnt that character precedes comfort and obedience is better than sacrifice, that you cannot please everyone and what’s worst than to gain the whole world but lose my own soul in the midst of it. It’s the year that im out, in and out again, the year my grandma passed away but as a result caused my family to be more united and brought all of us closer.

Like how we always believe that this year is going to be a better year yet, but you do know that many a time, things don’t and will not turn out exactly the way we hoped it will be. Well, at least for me. I stepped into 2007 with a heart of expectancy, believing for greater things yet ahead for me, but I left with regret and disappointment. What Pastor preached about on Sunday struck me really hard, especially when he said, “it’s silly and somewhat crazy to expect things to change when you are doing the same thing” it’s ludicrous to expect a different result when you keep on applying the same method and that’s exactly what I did for year 2007, or at least for the bulk of it.

And so I saw a change in the last few months of 07, when I began changing the way I am, how I handle and look at things. I’m not saying im perfect now, im just saying that im one step closer to my dream and calling. Of course, that wouldn’t have been possible if not for God and the many chances that I was given, not forgetting the people that He has placed in my life.

Thank you

Bro Edmund – for giving me so many chances and opportunities even though I’ve disappoint you time and again. for the chance to work with you for Emerge 07 Talent Time and be part of the planning committee for the Breakaway Camp. Even though I am not under you directly, but your love for souls and the lost touched me greatly, thanks for motivating me to work ever harder for my calling. Looking forward to working with you and the rest more in 2008 !

Jerb – you know how God will place people in your life to pull you back when you are running out of track, whom is not afraid to scold and correct you when you are wrong or to stand and defend you when you are right. Jerb is one such person, though there were days whereby I will be left crying on the phone, shuddering moments when I see 6349XXXX/9757XXXX calling or “Jerb” popping up on my MSN window. –chuckles. Thank you Jerb for every single thing that you’ve done in my life, words alone cannot express how I really feel. The countless encouraging SMSes, the replies to my spiritual diaries, the chances and opportunities you’ve given me, how you always believe in me no matter how many times I failed. Im really glad I made it through 2007 together with you. Being able to serve and help you in both W351 and E99 is truly an honor and privilege for me and I want to continue doing so for the next many years. I thank God for placing you in my life, you are definitely more than just a leader, but a friend, a confidante, a shoulder I can lean on, an ear I can count on to listen to me whenever I need someone.

Ting – the one who will never stop suaning me. Thank you for the times we had together, be it planning of sub zone events or just a simple dinner. For the times you’d stood by me in the darkest moments of my life, for being the one who will scold me so badly till I break down, but knowing that a sms to encourage me on will follow soon after. For those senseless MSN chats about you know who, those precious ones that taught me about life, spurring me to work harder, or just to remember to feed Porky and race with Annaphine. Times whereby you left me tearing in front of my computer screen, or just laughing about silly things, or even the simple thank you message will always be part of my life. Thank you for a fantastic year of 2007, am looking forward to an even greater year 2008 with you and of course, your suaningsss…

Steph – my Sunday take cab kaki, thanks for everything you’ve done and said to me for the past year. Like what I’ve told you, I really admire you a lot, from an ordinary member to a great leader that you are today really inspires me to do so much more! For those cab and bus rides home, thought it’s little time spent, but those short sharing really impacted me a lot. Thanks for the very encouraging birthday message, will never forget the times we had working together. For teaching me to never give up and always being there for me.

“stranger” – thanks for all that you’ve done for me and the cell group. Though you came over for just a few months, but your love for the people really moved me a lot. Really, I wouldn’t be able to made it through games without you. Am definitely looking forward to working with you more in the time to come and walking towards our destinations together ! (:

Toutou – thanks for being the one who tolerated my lateness and sillyness. For being there whenever I need a ranting partner or just someone to accompany me for shopping even though you dread it, a lot. For remembering everything that I’ve said to you before and my lameness during bible study. I must admit that due to time, or the lack of it, we haven been as close as we were before. I just wanta let you know that no matter what happens, you will always be my toutou, the one whom I can call at 3am and cry to, the one whom 10 years down the road I will be drinking Starbucks with. You are one of the strongest and bravest girls I’ve ever met and I never want to lose you. You’re a PR in my heart too ! loves.

FAT – for those free cab rides every Sunday when you are not having G-nights. For tolerating and laughing WITH me at all my cold jokes. You may seem like you do not care at all, but I know you do. it’s a pity you moved over to JW, but nevertheless, I wanta thank you for remembering me whenever you are playing at Expo. (I’ve got more cold jokes to tell you!)

ZX – for just simply being there. Thank you very much.

To you who always happen to witness my ugly moments, who walked round the hall with me searching for you know who. Who listens to me as I rant and whine.

To you who were there when I needed someone the most. Going to the office with me to collect my stuff, for introducing Happy Soda to me, for listening to me even when you were busy. Im sorry that we were not on talking terms for a few months, but im glad everything’s resolved now. Looking forward to more Happy Soda-ing with you !

Last but not least to you who were there every single time I needed someone. Many things happened in 2007 and one of which caused this incredibly huge crack to our friendship, to be honest, I really miss those times we had together. I still remember the night we spent worshipping God together at the beach until some guy came to interrupt, or how about the times we spoke on the phone encouraging and cheering each other on, or just simply sharing and chatting about our lives till we fell asleep. That time when you offered to call me when my grandma passed away even though you were in another country. Not forgetting the times we had just hanging out together after services on Sundays with our usual clique. Thanks for every single thing we’ve done together in 2007, im really happy for you to see you growing so much in the kingdom and rising up to do so many things. Lots of 11111111111.

And of course to everyone who has been part of my life, looking forward to a great 2008 with all of YOU !!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR !

thanksgiving.

2007-12-29T01:39:00.000+08:00

it was really a long weekend for most of us
with the weekends, monday and tuesday spent in church
which was really fun if you ask me
a round of applause to all who brought their friends for the services because it takes real courage and boldness to do so
so give yourself a pat on the back
for those who didnt, dont give up ! YOU can do it (:

we, namely shing, ting, clem, joel, aaron, samuel and a few others spent our friday night cleaning up a harmless looking inflatable
took us hours to clean it up because it was reallly reallly dirty
but it was fun !

not forgetting Damien who made my day better by..

and of course Joel, who walked round the hall with me in search of.. you know what.

christmas was spent celebrating with my whole family
i really think this year is very special because it is the first year that my whole family came over and had dinner together
i dont come from a very close knited family, so family gatherings are not often, in fact, the only time i saw my extended family are during New Year and funerals
so im really glad for the time spent together
its just a simple dinner but it meant so much to me
this Christmas really show me how much God had and is still blessing me

i thank God for
the friendships i found in church
the christmas presents i've received from my aunt and uncle (this is the first time in my 19years that they bought me a present)
the cards from my friends
the 50 dollar note my uncle slipped into my hands
the opportunity to start over again and to lead games
the bond and unity formed in my family
Him sending His beloved Son to die for me

thanksgiving today was awesome
from the praise to worship to award giving all the way to the cleaning up of the house was fantastic !
seeing the shock on my members' faces when they were being nominated, their joy and glee when they won the award is priceless
like what Jerb said, im really glad we made it through 2007.
its been a year of ups and downs for myself but ive learned so so so much
that i will save for the next post
in the meantime, i'll let the pictures do the talking..

special mention to WEI QIANG !
like what ive said to you on MSN, i really really see a huge change in you
which is great !
continue to jia you and i know you will make it ! (:

(:
thank yous post will come up soon !

christmas with a cause

2007-12-19T17:36:00.000+08:00

first and foremost, thanks to ALLLLL who sms-ed, called, friendster-ed me with their birthday wishes. really appreciate every single thought that you guys had.

was rather overwhelmed with the amount of presents i received this year. imagine my surprise when i was presented with not one, not two but THREE presents by my cell group, ex cell group and some others in E462.
plenty of items to be striked off my wishlist, i must say
not forgetting a super nice top from Zara by Jerb
the belt from Deon
the times voucher from Wilson, and for chiong-ing all the way after work to buy the christmas gift
the watch and top from Steph, Joel, Jing2
the super nice birthday card and times voucher yet again from Elle
the necklace from ZongXing
the very cute doggie necklace from Amy
the treat at Hong Kong Cafe from Jin Lian

presents aside, im just very glad that im able to celebrate my birthday with my entire subzone on friday, being able to spend the day with people i love most (:

okay, backtracked to last monday, Richard and Alfred came specially to visit me when they heard that i was sick. Really unexpected because i was realllllly surprised and shocked when i saw them standing outside my front gate with a HUGE packet of marshmallow. Details of which will be kept between the three of us pls. =P

anyways, i fell down and hurt myself pretty badly on sunday.
pretty unglam, i must say. tore my leggings and had to go back home to change into something else before rushing down to church.
so okay, no seafood whatsoever for the next two weeks.

okay, to end this post. i promise Mr Emo Kevino that i will help him with this

have no idea what to get for your friend for christmas this year?
want to get a nice gift for your friend but the big B for budget word is smiling right back at you?

Assuring Teddy is an EP audio CD containing 11 original tracks written, produced, recorded and mixed by KELMO and its going for ONLY ten bucks!
where else can you get a better deal than this?
for more details, you can check out Kevin's site or http://assuringteddy.blogspot.com/

i promise you, the songs are really nice and easy on the ears
kevin, himself is our very own City Harvest Emerge talent time finalist
so im very certain he has got what it takes to produce something awesome!

do let me know if you are planning to get any
make your christmas count by putting a smile on someone else's face ! (:

camp breakaway !!!

2007-12-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

for most of the campers, camp breakaway started on monday
but for some of us, it started on friday night itself
i really thank God for giving me the chance to be part of the planning team
all the sleepless nights, the eyes stuck onto my laptop screen doing some last min preparations, the waiting for the campers to sleep before we can strike, the buying of the different sabos items.. was something that ive never done before

i've always been a camper for the past two camps, not even a team leader, mind you. just a ordinary member going for an extraordinary camp.
and to be honest, i wasnt exactly expecting myself to be part of it after everything that happened
but it was great, no, strike that. it was AWESOME !

i wasnt around to listen to the preaching on the first night because i was busy preparing for the night game =P
but the moment i stepped into the room, i could feel the very strong presence of God coming in waves and waves that's never ending.
was contemplating about stepping forward to be prayed for since i dont even know what was it about, but i decided to do so.
and as i was standing right in front, i sensed the Lord saying, this is it. you wanted it, now Im gonna give it to you
give what, i do not know. but what i do know is that i need a touch from God, i am very very desperate for Him
the moment Jerb laid hands on me, i fell and this burning sensation came upon me
and it brought back memories of me back in my room, praying and asking God for something, anything to show me that He is there.
you know, i used to get very upset and jealous when people come up to me and rave about how tangible God's presence is and all, of how when they fall under the power, they felt warm and all
because i cant seem to feel it at all
yes, i'll fall and yes, i know that His presence is here
but i want so much more than that

and that have been my prayer for the past one year
that i am not satisfied with whatever i'm getting, but i want more of God

the first time i felt the burning sensation was when Jerb prayed for me during one of the CG meetings in W351, the second time i felt it was during our first Holy Ghost meeting and for months, i just couldnt have a breakthrough in the spiritual realm.
you know how sometimes, when you've gotten something, you tend to relax and in a way, take it for granted. that's what i did and it certainly din feel good. like there's a missing piece to this jigsaw puzzle and you just couldnt find it back no matter how hard you try.

and so, as i stood there right in front, waiting to be prayed for, i whispered a silent prayer to God, telling Him how much i miss Him, and He reminding me of when i used to spend hours in my room, playing my G Em C D and telling God that i will not leave until He comes, and BAM, i fell. and there and then, i felt the burning sensation upon me once again.
arent you glad that God always gives you a second, a third, and so forth chance? i am.

the finale was fantastic as well, there i was sitting right in front of Jerb as she preaches, and many a time, tears were threatening to fall.
the example of a lightstick will always stay with me.
that unless you are broken, your light will not shine through and neither can you do many things.
seeing the 100 over of us running and jumping to the last praise song, i am really really glad to be part of the wonderful family. can i tell you, that many times, i really want to give up, to throw in the white towel and quit, but i really thank God for placing friends around me who never fails to believe in me and encourage or disciple me whenever needed. for Jerb, ting, steph, shing, boss, bird, lian, KL, del, toutou.. many many more years of working together ! (:

and i always believe, promotion comes from God.
its not about getting approval from man, or doing things that people like.
but its about pleasing the most important person up there, my God is all that matters.

arise & build !!

2007-11-01T12:51:00.000+08:00

our very own ZS, yes, you heard (or rather saw) it right

has his own BLOG and FACEBOOK !

do go drop a tag or visit him @

http://www.edunloaded.blogspot.com/

besides that, im realllllllllly excited for this coming weekend !

because it's time to ARISE and BUILD once again.

if you can see it, you can have it !!

so i cant help resisting myself from kop-ing this from Jerb's blog

WOWWWWWWWWWW !

photos overload

2007-10-04T19:51:00.000+08:00

ever felt like crying when your FAVOURITE and most expensive top got stained by other colour?

yeah. you guessed it right.
my one and only white Ed Hardy top is now blue in colour.

shoot me, someone.

so im praying v v hard that the colour bleach my mom is getting will remove EVERY single trace of blue.
its not fun seeing your butterfly blue in colour.

anyhows, pictures r up next !

weird eyes, eh? BUG YEE !

spastic looking CC !

jean and me

nothing beats cam whoring at work

my sister, the uni grad.. not

one big happy family with nicole tay !

nick toh.

girls night out at my house

pretty girl alert !

spastic looking CC part 2.

contrite heart

2007-10-03T17:53:00.000+08:00

the best thing i heard this week;

"your circumstances doesnt reflect God's opinion of you"

if You can use anything, Lord.
You can use me.

lunch break hour part 2

2007-10-03T13:42:00.000+08:00

And as I look down the memory lane
Days we will go all high and insane
We stopped hanging out cause busy-ness took over
Life’s no longer sweet like a high school novel

We smile and we wave as we pass each other
But the gap between us is drawing further and further
So many words were left unspoken
And now our friendship lies bruised and broken

Cheesy songs with lyrics like “you can count on me”
Don’t really matter much because you see;
Actions speak much louder than words
There’s this unexplainable ache to my left, it hurts

Im stuck here and I don’t wish to continue
Lest my tears fall like the morning dew
I wish I can do more than just writing this post
Or watch as the gantry of my heart began to close

(:

2007-09-12T23:08:00.000+08:00

today is the most important day of my life, because im saying goodbye to ____ closest to me, like literally. after 3yrs of being together, i need to say bye.

so it was a skip skip, jump jump, short of a somersault to tanjong pagar straight after work.
as i was taking a last picture of me and ____, i walked into the place where i know i will leave in tears.

"SANDY!", the nurse shouted
and i skipped into the room and Doctor Tan was smiling oh so widely at me.
i thought oh wow, goodbye braces and hello straight teeth
to my horror..

doctor tan smiled at me, sat me down and explained that my upper and lower jaws are not aligned, thus, he needed to instill this pin into the gum to pull my upper jaw to the left which is equals to another three months of pure torture.

and so the next 20mins was like neverending for me.
it wasnt the pain that got me squeezing my eyes shut, neither was it the glaring light from above guiding him the way through my mouth
it was the EEEEEEE, EEEEEEE sound that the machine was making plus all the blood that was dripping onto my top.

so anyhows, that aside. im here to tell you how good doctor tan of alpha dental is.
right smack in the heart of Singapore, it is easily accessible and convenient for everyone.
and in the midst of all the eeeee, eeeeeeee, eeeeee sound, you can hear a very faint "i'm coming back to the heart of worship..", daily bread are like door gifts for all, a cool 40inch LCD screen TV with the remote control for you while you are waiting, not to mention very very sweet assistants who are really friendly and last but not least, DOCTOR TAN !
he has this really big tummy which i always bang into whenever he turns my head to the right, and he always know what to say just to calm my nerves, not forgetting the dry jokes he made, and really, he dont care about the money.
some may think he got me to do the pin thing just to earn more money, but noooo, he said, dont worry, there will be no extra cost at all.

im not saying you MUST put braces, im saying if you are considering to or you know, you wanta whiten your teeth, implantation, dentures, fillings, you get my drift ya? look for doctor tan of alpha clinic, because he's absolutely great !

okay. thats about all.

attachment at starhub is great! people are really really generous and thank God for an awesome boss. though its really tiring having to wake up at 6.45 every morning, im slowly adapting to it and from what i heard from my colleagues, the boss really likes me a lot. so thank God for favour ! (:

2007-08-23T00:08:00.000+08:00

Could I talk to you? Are you listening?
Would you let me ask the questions that burn inside me?
I am reaching out, I am holding on.
Feel like one of Your affections, but not quite like I belong.

I am numb today, everything's a blur,
I've seen too much to deny, too little to be sure,
Like a prodigal, like a distant son, I can see You from a distance,
But i'm too ashamed to come

Will You see me through this valley?
Will You hold my outstretched hands?
As the world caves in around me,
Will You help me understand?
Help me understand, help me understand.

I am scared to fall,
Scared to carry on,
Am I losing to the cynic after running for so long?
There's a child in me, lost in mystery.
But its buried underneath the earth, longing to be free.

help me understand, because i dont.

i dont have to say anything more, this song practically sums up how im feeling now

walk with Me

2007-08-03T00:49:00.000+08:00

the coldest part of winter is just before the ice melts

She told herself that every one goes through tough times before the lucky break. She told herself a lie. As she walked through the corridors of the school, her black Mary Janes make a hollow sound. Her knuckles turn white as she clutched the big brown envelope which represented her dreams, her person-hood.

What-ifs stream through her mind like chopped up scenes from a movie trailer showcasing her pretend life. Maybe she was mentally unstable and was just possessed with illusions of grandeur. Maybe she was not really cut out for it.

“You have a gift, use it”

“Not many people can do what you can, and do it well like you do”

“I know you can”

The sun’s afternoon rays played with her shadow as she walked. What would she give to hear those words again? What would she do to be swung up into the air by those strong hands, shriek with exhilaration and terror but feel safe still. What would it take, to bring those times back?

Her grip softened.

She just stood there in the hallway, not knowing whether to laugh, because finally she had the courage to put her work - her life at stake, or to cry, because she failed. Before she was even aware a tear rolled its way down her cheek. The wind from the open window brushed it away like the way it drowns out a whisper.

And she was five again, struggling with her shoelaces, her forehead knitted in concentration. Her cheeks red from huffing and puffing. The other kids must be out there on the park, and she was still stuck with her stupid, uncooperative, pink, Barbie sneakers. Giving up, she vented her anger at the stubborn laces, only making the knots difficult to untangle. A swift and firm tap of the fist on her head jolts her. She lifts her head up.

And she sees him smiling. Bemused at her impatience and intolerance for such a young child.

“Bappa, I cannot”

“Well, you just need to try”

“But I can’t, I tried and tried…” She drops her shoulders in frustration. He sits down beside her on the front porch steps.

“Well you just have to try again ,” That’s all he says. She looks down at the sea of knots.

“Then, why are you here if you’re not going to help me?” She then stoops down to try and untangle the mess she created.

“Bappa will not always be around to help you, you will be a big girl soon, you have to learn things on your own” She stops midway, letting her grandfather’s words sink in.

“Why? Where are you going? Can you take me?” He clicked his tongue and looked out on to the pavement.

“No, you have to stay here and be the best girl that you can be”

“And then you can take me?, I promise to be the very best girl I can be!” She stands up and raises her right hand as a sign of promise. He looks at his granddaughter who is dressed in a pink Cabbage Patch Kids shirt and denim shorts with her laces in the wrong places.

“Maybe, you will, but not soon”

“I know I will, I can be the very best girl!” She places her hands on her hips and pouts her lips.

“Finish your laces, then you can play outside”

“I don’t want to anymore, I told you I can’t!” She drops herself down on the floor and lets her arms droop to her side.

“All right, we’ll just have to find another way” He then stood up and stretched his arms.

“What other way?” Her ears piqued with the suggestion of an alternative. Her Bappa stooped down and reached out his arms to her. Instinctively she holds out her arms. But instead of carrying her, he begins to untie her laces, his hands moving swiftly, until they are all untangled.

“But I already told you, I cannot” She protested. But to her surprise, he removes her shoes. He ties the four laces together and swings the shoes over his shoulders. She wiggles her left toes and then her right. He stood up.

“Come, let’s walk together” And he lifts her up, with her facing him, he places her right foot over his left foot, her left foot over her right. She giggles as they begin to shuffle together.

Whether you’re walking forward, or taking a step back I will be with you. You are a big strong girl. Just try another way, we’ll walk together.

credits to the best writer IMO, toutou !

conviction

2007-05-23T00:50:00.000+08:00

you know how there will come a day whereby everything goes wrong
you missed the bus by about 20steps, the bus went straight past you and splashed VERY dirty rainwater on you, you walked into school, tripped and fell. went to ladies to wash up, thus you were scolded for being late for class, missed the bus home again, water splashed on you yet again and you tell yourself, okay, im reaching home, there's gonna be an end to this. and guess what, you forgot your keys. LAUGHS

allow me to rant because this is one of THE days.

woke up pretty early, thought to myself, today's gonna be awesome !
and it turned out so wrong
left the house, walked to the lift and realised that the lift's under maintenance
walked down 7 flights of stairs
walked to the bus stop, waited for at least 20mins, not a bus in sight
decided to take a cab because im running reallllllly late and the fact that its peak hour AND the 2bucks surcharge makes it worse
went to school, had presentation
please remind me not to do project with ___ again
went back home
missed my bus
got on bus
missed second bus
walked home and all i was lookin forward to was a nice hot bath and a short nap
walked to lift
and yes, you got it right
lift is STILL under maintenance (for 7hours!)
walked up 7 flights of stairs again
had to bring guitar to RW
walked down 7 flights of stairs again with the guitar
went to RW
and really, when i thought my day couldnt get any worst
lift is now currently undergoing POWER FAILURE
walked up 7flights of stairs yet again
walked to home
LEFT MY KEYS IN THE HOUSE
walked down 7flights of stairs to get keys from sis a few blocks away
couldnt find her
and i was seriously on the brink of tears already
got the keys
walked up 7flights of stairs
and finally, to the comfort of my bed
log unto internet
saw some pretty upsetting stuff
last i heard, my guitar's last string broke

but i thank God that
i met a really nice cab driver who charge me less and said some nice stuff about me
favour from teacher (i caught the word awesome presentation on my paper!)
the ice cream man i met who gave me ice cream
i can join vertical marathon with all the climbing up and down of stairs !
i've got bear and steph with me !
at least the string broke under anointed hands. ha

i am not alone while going through this; He is with me (:

1 Thess 5v18
"in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

a love so sweet

2007-04-28T01:05:00.000+08:00

i wanted to write something profound,
something that would blow you away.
but i thought well, why not just write something from my heart.

and as i began to type a whole chunk of the whatnots, how my bus got flooded, how i missed my bus three days in a row (yes, im determined not to take cabs to school anymore)
when the song came on my itunes
and i paused long enough for those long forgotten memories to come back to me

today marked the 49th day my grandma passed away
and im feeling especially grumpy and yeah, upset.

it's amazing how you can forget something that happened not too long ago
how you choose to believe that it wasnt such a big deal after all
afterall, they said that time will heal all wounds
they said, life still goes on

i cannot help but think
what if she was around when Benny Hinn was here
will she get healed then ?
what if ive spent the time to talk to her about Jesus
nevermind the language barrier
nevermind the fact that she dont exactly approve of my get out of house early and come home late habits
nevermind the fact that ive never talked to her for more than ten sentences every week

what matters most was that she care
how she cried when she passed us the last ang bao that will ever be given to us from her hands
and it always puzzled me why did the amount increased this year
was it because she knew that, that was her last chance ?
how she cried when we left her at the old folks home
was it because she knew that, she will never get to see us EVER again
or how she held on so tightly to my hands when we were about to leave the old folks home
how about the fact that she tried her very best to wait for all of us to get back to see her for the last time, but we missed it.

it seems as if everyone had gotten over it
it was just yet another funeral which we eventually had to conduct now, if not, later.
it seems like its wrong to talk about grandma these days
like the word "popo" never ever existed before

they say life must still go on
yeah. it must
except this time round,
it's without my grandma.

the best one can ask for

2007-04-18T00:35:00.000+08:00

our usual hangout

(:

our new TMNT decided to unveil herself !

on da the way home

can you tell how much she loves me ?

yeah. i know. i see her almost everyday

she loves this picture !... and i dont know why.

many many more photos with steph. will upload later.
anyhows, its been an amazing three day service with Pastor Benny Hinn.
witnessed many many many healings
and one that touched me the most was of the auntie who lives on top of me
i saw how she battled with her sicknesses
how she lost all her hair
how she became slimmer
BUT
she still comes to church every single week without fail with her wig on
and unless you know her, or ask her
you wont be able to tell that she's sick
thank God for healing her ! (:

went for dinner with the two girls; read bear and steph for three consecutive nights.
and it was fun !
first night was at steph's place - boon tong kee
second night was at my place - Mac
third night was at old airport road

really thank God for putting people in my life to encourage and to share my burdens
to laugh, to cry, to shop, to pray, to share with.

the first night pretty much left the three of us in a state of shock as we almost got into an accident.
we were flagging for a cab along kallang road when this nice cabby signalled to stop about 200metres away.
so naturally, ANY cars that see this will definitely NOT follow the tail of that cab right ?
but no... this semi drunk or it seems so driver decided to kiss the butt of the cab just as i was about to open the door of the cab
and thank God for belinda who pulled me away
or else.. teeheehee
you will see me up on the stage testifying of God's healing on my toes =P
thank God for protection because you know what?
the cab was not damaged in any way.
instead the car that hit us, got it pretty bad.
in fact, the whole front was like kaboom. so yeah.
(:

dum dee dum.

2007-04-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

and so.. i got hungry and ate mr woody

tou tou (L) is the new age TMNT, but she forgot her mask so she needs to use her hands. pardon her !

before.

and after..

mom says drinking milk grows one's fringe fast. what say you?

went HK cafe with louisa ! and gosh.. this is SUPERRRR nice

i realised i haven blog a proper entry for soooo long
okay, so Easter was awesome because..
by God's grace, W351 has 38 friends and 2 decisions !!
PTL !
and all these would not have been possible without the members
Mr Daniel De Souza was being reallllllly sweet on sunday
from taking of chairs for the sisters to offering to buy drinks for me (using my money!) to entertaining the girls to loaning Terri his jacket.
two thumbs up for daniel !
and of course for Nick Toh who rehearsed tiredlessly nights after nights
good job, nick ! (:

attended 4 services and every single one of them never fails to make me tear
it portrays a love so pure, so true.. that no one/nothing else in this world can ever replace.
and so you think, sunday was the end of easter..
i tell you, it is just the beginning !

"And the LORD said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him: “Lift your eyes now and look from the place where you are—northward, southward, eastward, and westward; for all the land which you see I give to you and your descendants forever."

if you can see it, you can have it !

a double confirmation from Him just the other night
and as the dawn was about to break
with my eyes swollen from crying
and blanket wet with tears
He left me with a
"I've not given up on you, have you given up on yourself?"
i buried my tear stained cheeks into the already wet pillow
and whispered a "thank You" before falling asleep

2007-04-10T01:47:00.000+08:00

you were a priority, was I an option?

you are His priority, is He an option?

2007-04-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

and so a lizard decided to visit bug yee while she's studying
and so being the realllllly daring sister, she proceed on to kill the lizard
but not after a series of VERY funny acts

mommy decided to be a kaypo and join in the fun
and so i was busy taking pictures of them sticking their fingers into their ears because the lizard's tail broke and was flipping around
it was sooooooo funny, i tell you
mom was screaming, "run, run !" with her fingers stuck firmly in her ears

after a intense 5mins of hide and seek, the lizard finally gave up and yup, was eventually thrown down the rubbish chute
and it was back to studying for bug yee (:

a tribute to the world's fiercest yet soft hearted granny

CONGRATS !

2007-04-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

who would have thought that such a cute thing with bunny tooth will someday end up like this..

CONGRATS to mr kelvin/kevin for making it through to the finals of the Song Composition category ! (:

i can never get your name right, stranger. -smirks

(:

2007-03-31T14:56:00.000+08:00

and so i was praying realllllllly hard that i'll get good timetable so that i wont miss that much of the emerge conference.

guess what. time table came out and PTL for such perfect timings !

thursday - 9 to 12
friday - 10 to 12 (even weeks)

so even though it means i'll have monday blues because of the 8 to 5 time table, im still happy !! (:

and last night was spent just seeking Him.
and it felt awesomely good.

Psalm 34:18
"The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit."

you know how after spending a lot of time with someone, you will get addicted to His presence ?
thats exactly how im feeling now.
those last few words spoken to me just before i drifted to sleep was the most pleasant words ive ever heard
waking up every morning to have You hovering near
that even though it feels like a battlefield out there every single day,
i'll still fight for Your heart just to please You
loves.

i have faith in you, do you have faith in Me ?

2007-03-31T00:25:00.000+08:00

nothing beats having a hot chocolate drink from starbucks on a very very rainy day.

prayer meeting was VERY VERY good. and the dinner that follows was equally awesome.

spent the day at home catching up on sleep today

been sleeping for less than 5 hours everyday becaise ive been working and working and working which is good because money will come rolling in

and and.. ive fulfilled my BF !!!!!!!!!! (:

another peekture post.

2007-03-25T23:27:00.000+08:00

bear was trying to prove that she's taller

she has good photography skills uh ?

greatest friend alive

six years and still going strong (:

yeah. one of her MANY self take photos.. yet again

pinky was wearing a plaster

and so it was after cell group and we had literally nothing to do
and we had to wait for jean while she finishes her bleach episode 19
so.. it resulted in

if you look closely, you'll see jean busy with her bleach.

i'll miss you little girl while you're gone for your OBS !

cant wait to see a tanned and errs, more muscular you on sunday ! (:

and and and..

the two sneaky girls (note; elle and wendy) took my IC picture while i was away.

GWARR.

chased them around the house, tickled them, threatened them

and they still refused to delete it away

gee.

dont worry, ive got positive self esteem (:

service was great !

everything seem to just fall in place

and ive got no one else to thank except You.

others can, i cant.

2007-03-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

went to surprise Jerb yesterday at 12am at bedok.
it was soooooooo fun
first, we gotta guess what time will she reached home because she's not going for dinner with the boys anymore
then, we got news that she's gonna go eat with Jared
so now, we gotta guess which coffee shop in bedok sells zi char
but i tell you, its worth ALL the effort
the look on her face is priceless
and thats the least we can do for her after all that she had done for us
she is truly a leader that i really appreciate and love

you know i was a little apprehensive when i first went over to jerb's cell

because of the fact that i hardly spoke to her and i dont really know the way she do things and all.

but overtime, i realised that she is not just a leader but a friend indeed.

never will i forget that very day she came down to my house to talk to me

those nights we spend together at suntec office or macdonald preparing for cell group or planning for activities

but what struck me the most is the love she has for people

not just friends, but every single person, member and non-member alike

how she would take a cab down to someone's house and wait till the wee hours

or simply just to pass a card or a packet of chocolates

how she will scold you, but will buy you a drink and give you money to take a cab home after that

or even the fact that she will NEVER stop believing in you even after countless times of failing

jerb, you may never get to read this, but i just want to say you are one of the best leaders ive ever seen, in fact, IMO, the best and i just want to thank you for every single thing that you had done for me, for every encouraging message you sent, for every comforting word you've said.

I LOVE YOU !!! (:

a poem that someone wrote to me.

Clutch
inside my hand, all precious things
my fingers close over, lest they take wings
inside my heart, attentions divided
deaf to the voice, from whom i departed
im stiffly hanging on, white knuckles
under a love so strong, knees buckled
God, as i free up all cares and sighs
prove yourself true in my tear-stained eyes

you know.
why dont You tell me
what else can i do to impress You ?

every single night, i return to the secret place
to the place where i never felt more comfortable and loved
thank You

what a privilege to be able to even call upon Your name.
the great I AM

laughs. i know im just rambling on and on about random things which half the world probably dont understand. anyhows, i believe all it takes is just one encounter, one touch to change everything.

2007-03-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

me and gladwin

im the only normal looking one

me at somewhere near clark quay (ting found this place!)

ive got the world's greatest mom !

me and my not very sweet lime juice

bug yee and the very pretty cousin

me with stepsis. introducing to you.. Michelle Wijaya

thanks for the many messages ive received.
nurul, ting, david, bear, steph just to name a few
ive finally gotten over it
as in, i wont tear when i see her picture or listen to her favourite song
but will miss her.. i really will.

anyhows, had prayer meeting at riverwalk on sunday
it was good !
seeing how my members (note; wendy and chris) stepped out of their comfort zones to pray was really heart warming
how they smiled at me as i did the "thumbs up" sign to them (:
fellowshipped at Long John's after PM, played DONKEY !
ha. honestly, i think as long as we have got cards to play with, we will be VERY entertained

after that, walked to city hall with ting to have dinner with the gang, without shing of course. sidenote, come back soon, shing ! 18more days and you're rocking the taiwan world over there (:
went kenny rogers and starbucks after that to chill and just talk
had fun watching nick pressing the errs, knees of everyone
and david looking like ella, wu zhong xian, da tou.
wei wen telling REALLLLY cold jokes
and us (the girls) just laughing and laughing and laughing
and oh ya, tim !
i want to know the name !

thanks guys for everything.
from comforting messages to the things you do to cheer me up
all very much appreciated (:

2007-03-16T22:16:00.000+08:00

Oh Lord You’ve searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There’s no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me

a really really nice song that someone sent to me
you know how sometimes, it's not about whether you call me up, or by my side 24/7,
its the little hug or a squeeze of the hand or even a "i heard about it, how are you?"
that matters the most

i learnt a lot through this, i coped with the fear of sleeping alone and finally realised,
there's no one here for you always except for God.
Ps 27 v 5
For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.

maybe you dont know how to react, maybe you dont care
but i would dare say,
if the same thing happens to you.
i will not treat you the same way you did to me

many thanks to jerb, tim, ww, you, louisa, shing, del for asking.
especially to jerb who called all the way from singapore to malaysia.
and shing who offered to call me from taiwan

that very night, i cried myself to sleep.
walking to the door countless of times, hoping that you will at least call me
and when i cried, i questioned myself.
if this is the tears of sorrow due of popo or because of the fact, that i realised,
not many care.
or maybe a sms or a call is just too expensive.

even the strongest man crumbled
seeing my dad cry was the most heart wrenching thing that ever happened
as he leaned against the wall facing the coffin, he cried
the tears just wouldnt stop flowing
as much as he tries to hide it from everyone
the tears wouldnt stop coming

when someone you loved passed on.
you bury more than just a person, buried along with popo are unlived tomorrows.

shout out to those who are reading this
i really dont mind a hug from you
cause i really do need it
because i dont know when will it be my turn to crumble.

ps : to the strongest popo ive ever known, thank you for holding on for so long. i love you.

2007-03-10T22:55:00.000+08:00

goodbye to you.

wont you come back to me ?

2007-03-10T01:32:00.000+08:00

you say you feel lost can I help you find it?

bruised but not broken.

okay. so i injured my wrist. actually, it's not injured.

had this thing that was erm, growing on my wrist a couple of years back.

went to see a doctor and she said it was alright unless it hurts, which it dosent.

and so i din really care about it, until a few days back.

it started hurting real bad, and.. yup.
probably have to remove it.

so.. keep me in prayers.

Staring right back in the face

A memory can't be erased

I know, because I tried

Start to feel the emptiness

And everything I'm gonna miss

I know, that I can't hide

All this time is passing by

I think it's time to just move on

When you come back down

If you land on your feet

I hope you find a way to make it back to me

When you come around

I'll be there for you

Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

Start to breathe and fake a smile

It's all the same after a while

I know, that you are tired

Carrying the ones you lost

A picture frame with all the thoughts

I know, you hold inside

I hope that you can find your way back

To the place where you belong

When you come back down
If you land on your feet

I hope you find a way to make it back to me

When you come around

I'll be there for you

Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

You're coming back down
You say you feel lost can I help you find it

When you come around

From time to time we all are blinded

You're coming back down

You don't have to tell me what you're feeling

I know what you're going through

I won't be the one that lets go of you

I think it's time to just move on

When you come back down
If you land on your feet

I hope you find a way to make it back to me

When you come around

I'll be there for you

Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

come on, hun.

i'll be here if you ever need someone.

i miss you too. -hugs

and if there is a need to, i'll let your mom cut my hair

no matter how horrendous it will turn out to be

just so that i can spend some time with you.

love you, tian.

2007-03-09T14:24:00.000+08:00

this is a dog that never barks.

me and wendy in her small little lift

on the errs. swing ? laughs

alright ! so it was the little girl's birthday on monday.
went down to her house to surprise her and goodness gracious me.
she's NOT touched at all, at least not when i asked her.
laughs. she still can joke about seeing my legs only. GWARR.

and do you know mindy, her dog ? it dosent bark at all !! and it moves reeeaaaalllllllllly slow, like those lao pek pek kind.

anyhows, it's the holidays week and im really making use of this time to spend some quality time with my family and friends, working and prison break (gladwin, season 2 please!).
wanting or trying to make an impact in the marketplace is not as easy as it seems. being in the battle front yet not conforming to the world's standards.
armed with the saying that goes, "others can, i cant", we tried to do what is right in God's sight but not so much in the people's eyes. doing all that we can to influence the people in our workplace yet not allowing them to influence us.
others can lie, i cant
others can come in late for work, i cant
others can mute the phone and scold vulgarities, i cant

because at the end of the day, it is not them that i am accountable to.
it is not them that i will face when it comes to judging day
it is not them that i want to please

it's not easy to be.. me.

all these, just so for that day that i will hear "well done, My good and faithful servant" (:

project reinvention.

2007-03-05T00:52:00.000+08:00

gladwin and me at the chalet

me and wendy, the background was caused by gladwin, wilson and wei qiang throwing the balloons around

me and ting (:

i love the heart balloon !

had mock CG today at riverwalk today. it was soooooo funny, yet because of this, it taught me so many things. like how im speaking toooooo fast and the different mistakes that sister agnes pointed out to us.

then after that cabbed down to Changi Fairy Point chalet with steph and GJ. played games with all of them. played blind mice and murderer and all. the sight of the guys and little wendy's head all wrapped up with the towel was enough to make me laugh non-stop. pictures and videos will be up after GJ sent them to me.

and so.. something really awesome happened when we (read, steph, ravi and me) were about to go home. it was like.. God decided to send an angel down from heaven to provide for us.

while walking out of the chalet, we were just thinking, how good will it be if we dont have to walk this loooooong stretch of road out just to hail a cab. and thereafter, i saw this michael lookalike guy in a pick up. he looked at me and being a REALLLY friendly person, i smiled at him and walked away, still thinking about how good it will be if i own a license so i can drive my dad's car, or better yet, own a car myself !

and THAT guy, yup, the one i smiled to, began to start his pick up and was about to leave. somehow or rather, i just got the feeling that he will stop and ask if we need a ride. and true enough, that was exactly what happened !

his pick up began to slow down.. and it stopped just in front of us, he started pointing towards the exit, and you should see the glee and excitement on the faces of the three of us. not that we are lazy, just that the road is REALLY long and we are reallly tired.

so he asked steph where are we heading to and we told him home, okay. so it was great that someone, in fact, a total stranger offered to give the three of us a ride out to Pasir Ris mrt station, but thats not all ! he told us that he's heading towards yishun and he wouldnt mind sending us back to Yio Chu Kang station. it's amazing i tell you. Changi allllll the way to YCK.

and to be honest, our pockets are rather empty, did i mention that ive spent almost 30 bucks just on cabs alone this week. it's mind blowing how God will provide just exactly and even exceed what you need. all i prayed for was just a ride to the nearest mrt station, but we got a ride to YCK instead and we saved about 20bucks because of that. alighted and was able to catch the second last train home with steph. (: it's truly a God sent.

not just that, on saturday itself. because we were late for CGM, i decided to call for a cab. and the cab driver lost his way, which caused the total fare to come up to about 15 bucks, and it was only from bedok to east coast ! however, what came to me as a surprise was that he charged me 3 bucks less for the fare in the end. i believe even as we are sowing into the kingdom of God, He will never shortchange us. the two incidents that ive mentioned above only caused me to trust and have more faith in God. (:

He is truly my Provider

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVE !

GWARR

2007-03-03T01:17:00.000+08:00

look ma ! i can tie up my hair already (:

i've got no idea what's happening but apparently my blog's blocked by blogspot. HA

anyhows,

my week's filled with jodi picoult, prison break (thanks, gladwin !), work and just simply bumming around
my very much deserved holidays (:

and oh, tim called !! hahha.
and we talked for almost an hour
that works out to about 18 bucks. hurhur

things that happened within a week
1. shing left for taiwan
2. NURUL's birthday
3. WEIWEN's birthday
4. had a loooong looooong talk with ___

cell tomorrow, i cant wait !
and thereafter, kim and sze wing birthday party
not forgetting the little one. (:

gee. ive got lotsa things to say or rather blog about
but i dont really know where to start from
so..
will pen a proper entry after ive sorted out my thoughts.
ha.

2007-02-28T00:26:00.000+08:00

laughs. its terribly cold in dad's car

me and mom

me and elle

W351 ! loves.

samson, me, chris

gee.

hurhur. the next FAT ?

wendy and me ! i heart YOU.

our little green family

bug yee's camera shy

and so the exams are FINALLY over and the holidays are here !

im too lazy to blog, been busy reading, watching dvds upon dvds and just bumming around. and.. when im free, i'll post a proper entry.

and till then, i'll leave you with this; by Max Lucado

"what's done in the secret is best not done at all"

the whatnots.

2007-02-25T05:19:00.000+08:00

its because when you are bruised, I am the one who aches

You are the Christ
Son of the Living God
the great I AM
i'll follow You till the end

dear you,

why do you make empty promises?
promises that you know you can never keep
you know, people often say dont expect too much
because the more you expect of someone/something
the more disappointed you will be when he/she/it is not able to perform up to your expectations

i've never expected a lot from you
no, not at all
so tell me
why do i still feel so disappointed?

you know what's the crazy things about lies?
slowly, you'll start falling for them too.

"it takes two people to make a lie work.
the person who tells it and the one who believes it."
i guess i fell for it

love, me.

2007-02-22T02:01:00.000+08:00

do you remember how it used to be?
i would write poems about you and me
i fell head over heels in love with you
and then you rejected me, right on cue

now i keep my distance and stand far away
holding back my feelings, with words i couldnt say
i hope you can feel like how i am feeling now
i dont know what else to do, why dont you teach me how

what else can i do?
when i heard the news from her
i put myself in her shoes
and everything's a blur

the impression of how you think im weak
brings tears to my eyes i could hardly speak
so many words were left unspoken
and now our friendship lies torn and broken

if i am given a chance to go back
i would shut my mouth and not open a crack
with all the things that you had hidden from me
i wish you go away to someplace i cannot see

and now i bid farewell to all
i doubt you would message or even call
goodbye to love, goodbye to hate
goodbye to memories i have to date.

maybe you looked, but never really did see
maybe you heard, but never really did listen
tell me
when will you ever do ?

found this in one of my drafts.
amusing.

just for you.

2007-02-22T00:30:00.000+08:00

what goes around comes around, no ?

i miss ___

dont stop laughing

you know

maybe everywhere you turn, you see strangers,

people who call you 'sister' instead of your name.

maybe you've grown up, toned down to someone whom i dont really know anymore

maybe someday, we'll lost contact

maybe someday, we might walked past each other and not say hi

but just remember

so say goodbye

but dont you cry

cause true friendship

never dies

cause i love you more than a fat boy loves his ice cream

know how sometimes, you feel like a snail

and even if one day, you fail to catch up with the world

even if one day, you're stuck in time

know that i'll be right beside you

like two parallel lines

we cant seem to touch

but im there, next to you

hey hun, come back

i miss you, i really do

happy birthday to you, fat one. :))

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

2007-02-20T01:11:00.000+08:00

me and bug yee

glorious food..

oh, that's just a very full me (:

and so it was off to malaysia to visit grams after our reunion dinner
and because mom and dad were just too lazy to cook
we decided to head down to seoul garden @ AMK to settle our dinner

it was fun.
because
we were the only chinese there
and bug yee had like 3 plates of prawns. *tsk

trip to malaysia was
bah.

the silence within is too much for me to bear

went visiting the next day
and gee.
the red packets are allllll in ringgits.
however, saw jit jie and family
and he got a tattoo !
laughs.
should have taken a picture with him

and then we had to send grams back to the nursing home
it was difficult.
she was silent throughout the trip to the home
and when we were about to leave
she broke down and cried

as much as we tried our best to make her two days outside of the home as enjoyable as possible
the idea of going back to the four walls
to where all the old people are (sad but true) waiting for their deaths
to where her family members are not by her side
is probably too much for her to bear

my own tears were threatening to fall as well
but deep down, i know.
this is the best for her
this is where she will get the utmost care
"popo, li ai shio xin hor,
wo men hui lai kan ni de"
"popo, byebye"

and i saw her waving to me with tears in her eyes.

i miss you.

holidayssss

2007-02-17T13:00:00.000+08:00

for those who will miss me while im away for the holidays..

here you go !!!!!

laughs.

take care. and BYE !!

gong xi fa chai to all (:

much love !

2007-02-16T02:21:00.001+08:00

HAPPY HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY DELPHINE TANG !

i was just commenting that ITS NOT FAIR
i just turned 18 two months back and now you're same age as me
GWARR
but i love you all the same, hun. (:

my awesomely great friend
one that i can depend on forever
i realised i cant find any picture with just you and me
guess the three of us will be stuck forever anyways
HAHA.
lotsa love (:
i bet you love the birthday message i sent you -smirks

1 x 1000000000000000000000000000 times

2007-02-14T23:35:00.000+08:00

and so it's happy belated valentines day to all
ha.
i spent the day at home mugging
oh, what a glorious way to spend this very special day
apart from the many messages received, it seems like a normal day for me
gee.

this might seem a tad too late but it's better late than never
so here it goes
my resolutions for year 2007 *drumrolls*

1. cut down on taking cabs
not only will it helps save money, it will definitely aid in helping me shed some fats.
2. brush up on my chinese
3. make my bed when i wake up

that's all... till i can think of more

oh !
4. no more late night supper (:

it's amazing how God speaks
be it late at night or early in the morning
He is there 24/7

second last paper tomorrow
shout HURRAY !
off to mug !

i think we have an emergency here

2007-02-13T02:20:00.000+08:00

i laid in bed, with my head spinning from hours ago
and with my heart beating faster than usual
and i let tears stream down my face as i stare into the ceiling
wondering when will this stop
and will tomorrow come?

2007-02-12T05:59:00.000+08:00

the closer you are; the more painful it is

merlion me.

2007-02-11T04:36:00.000+08:00

okay. and so i tried waking up at 3am to study.
ate my dinner which my mom bought like 9hours ago

and what happened next
is really up to your imagination.
whatever that goes in, comes out
and i became a merlion.
ha.

went to the doctor's
and it's food poisoning and gastric pain all mixed together
nevertheless, i missed my exam
slept forthe whole day

ha. it seems like a great way for me to lose weight
because;
the food keeps coming out again
EWW, i know
ha.
meanwhile,
no fried food, no yummy scummy food
but porridge for the next one week
pray for me people !

exams woes. =/